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Dr. Dennis Neder: Communication and “Sexual Conversion” Part 2

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIENow, let's deal with the topic of "sexual conversion".

Converting a date to a sexual encounter is a skill that many men lack. It's not difficult, but most men just don't know how to do it and actually wait for their dates to do all the work! In fact, this rarely happens for the reasons previously stated. Women know that this is YOUR job and will wait for you to do it. I can't tell you how many letters I get from sexually frustrated women that have waited months for their boyfriends to finally make some move so that they can get into the bedroom with them!

Sexual conversion actually starts early in the date. You want to act sexual and help to raise her interest in you sexually. Of course, you're going to have be engaging, challenging and somewhat bold, but these aren't difficult skills if you feel comfortable with her - and yourself.

Starting with the very first date, you should kiss her. Kissing is a critical step to moving things forward. If you don't move to kiss her, what you're actually doing is establishing a friendship! I'm sure you already know you don't want that!

One important key about kisses: don't ask for them, take them. That is, kiss her when YOU feel comfortable. The more "out of the blue" this is, the better! For instance, if you and she are walking holding hands, stop abruptly, take a step backwards (she will still be walking forwards), pull her right back to you (not too hard or you'll be picking her up off the ground), and just kiss her. You don't have to wait until the end of the date to do this and the earlier the better.

By the way, here's a great article on the "Opening Kiss" technique that you need to know:

Kissing and touching are key elements. With touching, you have to escalate the touching and be careful to not move too fast. Consider that most women’s necks, ears, thighs and wrists are sensitive, and are good choices for this type of touching. If you go for the goodies too early, you’re going to get shut down. Instead, slowly build things up.

At some point in the date you're going to want to do more than to just kiss her a few times. This means that you're going to have to be somewhere comfortable - her place or yours, etc. Before you get there, you should be giving her little "tastes" of what's to come, but don't go for it until you finally get to where you plan to do the conversion.

After you get comfortable and feel the time is right, you're ready to begin the conversion. This involves more kissing and moving the kissing into "petting". You want to enjoy this as foreplay for a while and begin to make moves slowly forward. This involves touching, kissing her face and neck, undressing, etc.

Keep in mind that this is all playful. It should be fun - especially the first time. If you get too serious or emotional, the playfulness of it goes away. That's not a good thing, so keep it light. Also, watch her reactions. She'll tell you when you're moving too fast - or too slow, and you want to respond appropriately.

At some point, sex becomes the obvious outcome and she might begin to lead this, but if she doesn't, don't hesitate to take the lead. Remember, this is still your game - and she knows it.

I go into much more detail in the new book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World II", due out early next year, and I urge you to take a look at it for much more information on this. However, this discussion should get you started.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis Neder

[ED. Part 1 can be found here]

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.

Dr. Dennis Neder

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 

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