Now, let's deal with the
topic of "sexual conversion".
Converting a date to a sexual encounter is a skill that many men lack.
It's not difficult, but most men just don't know how to do it and
actually wait for their dates to do all the work! In fact, this rarely
happens for the reasons previously stated. Women know that this is YOUR
job and will wait for you to do it. I can't tell you how many letters I
get from sexually frustrated women that have waited months for their
boyfriends to finally make some move so that they can get into the
bedroom with them!
Sexual conversion actually starts early in the date. You want to act
sexual and help to raise her interest in you sexually. Of course, you're
going to have be engaging, challenging and somewhat bold, but these
aren't difficult skills if you feel comfortable with her - and yourself.
Starting with the very first date, you should kiss her. Kissing is a
critical step to moving things forward. If you don't move to kiss her,
what you're actually doing is establishing a friendship! I'm sure you
already know you don't want that!
One important key about kisses: don't ask for them, take them. That is,
kiss her when YOU feel comfortable. The more "out of the blue" this is,
the better! For instance, if you and she are walking holding hands, stop
abruptly, take a step backwards (she will still be walking forwards),
pull her right back to you (not too hard or you'll be picking her up off
the ground), and just kiss her. You don't have to wait until the end of
the date to do this and the earlier the better.
By the way, here's a great
article on the "Opening Kiss" technique that you need to know:
Kissing and touching are key elements. With touching, you have to
escalate the touching and be careful to not move too fast. Consider that
most women’s necks, ears, thighs and wrists are sensitive, and are good
choices for this type of touching. If you go for the goodies too early,
you’re going to get shut down. Instead, slowly build things up.
At some point in the date you're going to want to
do more than to just kiss her a few times. This means that you're going to
have to be somewhere comfortable - her place or yours, etc. Before you get
there, you should be giving her little "tastes" of what's to come, but don't
go for it until you finally get to where you plan to do the conversion.
After you get comfortable and feel the time is right, you're ready to begin
the conversion. This involves more kissing and moving the kissing into
"petting". You want to enjoy this as foreplay for a while and begin to make
moves slowly forward. This involves touching, kissing her face and neck,
Keep in mind that this is all playful. It should be fun - especially the first
time. If you get too serious or emotional, the playfulness of it goes away.
That's not a good thing, so keep it light. Also, watch her reactions. She'll
tell you when you're moving too fast - or too slow, and you want to respond
At some point, sex becomes the obvious outcome and she might begin to lead
this, but if she doesn't, don't hesitate to take the lead. Remember, this is
still your game - and she knows it.
I go into much more detail in the new book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World
II", due out early next year, and I urge you to take a look at it for much
more information on this. However, this discussion should get you started.
Dr. Dennis Neder
[ED. Part 1 can be found
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