Dating Great! with advice by

Confusing Girl-Games

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIE Dr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

"Get your own attitude in check here and stop putting your level of trust into someone else's hands. Further, take back the control of your respect. You deserve that from someone that claims to love you."

Dear Doc,
I'm confused?!
I met a nice girl, she is funny, smart and all that I'm looking for in a relationship. When I started talking to her, she told me that she was looking for new friends because the other friends she had would smother her and just try to get in her pants. I invited her over my house for a football party. All of my friends knew that I liked her and I thought she knew also. I told myself that I'm not going to smother her just to let her do what she feels is right.

Three days passed and I found out that one of my close friends was going behind my back, telling her all kinds of lies just to get in her pants. I saw them talking a lot and he was drunk but I let them talk because I said to myself, "That's my friend and he's drunk and he already has a girl and, she can handle herself."

The next weekend and we were all supposed to go out 4-wheeling and I couldn't make it. Since I wasn't there he tried to get with her some more. She soon found out what he was trying to do to her and she told him to leave her alone and then found out from everyone else that he was making up lies about me.

We both sat down and talked about everything and it was all better but she feels like she caused all this to happen. Now, when she hangs out with me everything is ok but when everyone is over she gets quiet, depressed and upset all the time because she likes me and I like her but she doesn't want everyone to think less of her and talk about her as if she did something.

I don't want to loose her and I've talked to all of my friends and everyone but her knows that she didn't do anything wrong and they aren't going to think less of her. All of my friends like her and their girlfriends like her too. I just don't know how to make her understand that it's not her fault so she could be back to herself.

You know, this sounds like a classic attention grab by this girl! I know you don't see it this way, but trust me, it's absolutely textbook!

First, let's talk about this "friend". If you really consider this guy a friend, you're making a huge mistake. I don't care how drunk this guy was. There's a rule: "Bro's before ho's" and it applies here. If he had any knowledge that you were interested in this girl, he had no business hitting on her and if he were part of my crew, we'd all kick his ass to the curb and that would be the end of it. This guy is no friend of yours, trust me. He's out just for himself, not his bro's.

With this girl however, she just set everything up nicely. She's trying to control things to the degree that you're no longer even able to make a play for her. She's given you all this crap about guys trying to get into her panties - well d'uh!!! So what? Are you telling me that if she met Brad Pitt she wouldn't be trying to get into his jeans?

So, here you sit with her having set all the rules. She comes over and you can't do anything to move things forward because SHE'S given you all these rules - and even proven it by turning down your friend and creating all this drama between you all. She must be some kind of master at all of this.

Really dude, what the hell do you want here? Are you looking for a female friend or something more? Letting her hang around your friends just enforces that friendship between you and she. She's not going to just see what a great guy you are and fall head over heals for you. She totally set you up here and you just fell for it, proving to her that you're not "boyfriend material".

As far as making her understanding this crap about not being her fault - in fact, it was ENTIRELY her fault!! Why are you giving her such a pass? Because she has a vagina? If she had wanted to shut him down, she could have done it in 2 seconds. Women are masters at this too. Come on - you'd never do that for any of your buddies (or maybe you would considering this loser "friend" of yours!)

Stop this madness already. Let her grow up and be an adult. You're not helping her by trying to ease all the tension. That's something she has to do herself. What you ARE doing in all of this is just proving to her why she shouldn't be interested in you.

Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.



Dr. Dennis Neder


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 
About The Book:

Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.

Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.

This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.

Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.

It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.

Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:

aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every Thursday with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's world.



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