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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"One of the reasons why women are
pulling these games in the first place is to weed-out the guys that will
keep chasing them from the guys she really wants to be with."
Hi Doc,
I've noticed a trend in my dating life that is really starting to piss
me off.
It's rare for me to make
plans with a girl and to not have her try to cancel on me or suddenly be
"too busy" to keep our date. I'm so tired of games like that.
Are they trying to see how
much I want them or how much bullshit I'll put up with?
Hello!
Yes, I've been seeing more and more of this over the last few years too.
You're not alone, trust me.
Many women are doing this these days. It's a weird combination of being
flaky, inconsiderate and trying to up their own value in your eyes. It
comes directly from insecurity, but regardless, it's incredibly rude,
and these girls actually think that by doing this, you're going to have
an emotional reaction and will start to actually think of them, thus
creating greater value for them in your eyes.
I know, I know, that's just fucking stupid, but believe me, not only do
I see this all over the place, but in fact, I actually see so called
"experts" actually TELLING girls to do this! No shit! They also tell
girls not to answer the phone when you call and to not return phone
calls, etc.! Un-fucking-believable!
There are some great ways to counter this by the way, but first off,
remember that if some idiot wants to play these games with you before
you've even kicked anything off, what is she going to be like if and
when you actually DO establish a relationship?
The fact is, if you fall for these games you'll also lose value in HER
eyes! No woman really wants a guy that will put up with this crap. This
is a weak, no-skill guy and one of the reasons why these women are
pulling these games in the first place is to weed-out the guys that will
keep chasing them (they only serve to give the girls a much-needed ego
boost) from the guys that won't put up with this shit, (the guys she
REALLY wants to be with.)
So, you want to be the guy that won't put up with it. The question then,
is how do you do that without coming off like a total loser?
There are a number of things you need to do:
First, be much better at setting the dates in the first place. When you
set a date be absolutely clear on when, where, etc., and make sure she
writes it down - don't let her pull the old, "Oh, I'll remember crap",
only to have her claim she forgot later on.
Many girls will say, "Oh, call me the day before to confirm." Dumb guys
say, "Ok" and then, when they call, the girl doesn't answer. Instead
say, "Huh? No, we're setting the date right now. Write it down. If you
don't know how to use a calendar, you're never going to figure out how
to work me! I don't have to time to confirm things twice."
Even if she does answer when a guy calls to confirm, this just gives her
a chance to pull some stupid shit on you again and blow you off. "Oh! I
can't make it tomorrow, my girlfriend from New York is in town
unexpectedly and I have this emergency with my cat and ..." Yeah, right.
None of this is true! Don't put up with it.
The second thing is when you set the date say, "Now, let's get this out
in the open. You're not one of those dumb girls that tries to cancel a
date an hour beforehand are you? Because you need to know that I'm busy
and I need AT LEAST 24 hour's cancellation notice of any 'emergencies'.
Do you expect some 'emergency' to come up? If so, tell me now and we'll
cancel right now."
This is going to prevent her from canceling on you at the last minute.
Another game women play is to just not show up. When you're waiting for
them for 20 minutes and she's not there without a call (and you need to
make sure she has and writes down your cell number too!) she's not going
to pick-up when you call her.
The best way to handle this is to call her and leave the following
message:
"Hello [dumb girl's name], this is [your name]. You know we had a date
today at 8 [or whenever] and you've obviously flaked on me without even
bothering to call. That's extremely rude and has just taken you off my
list as I know any normal [yes, use that word] girl would have called if
there was a problem. If you're still planning on showing up late, please
don't. I'm calling another girl I want to get to know instead. You can
call me tomorrow to explain. My number is..."
Wow! Talk about a kick in the chops! *IF* she calls you the next day, be
ready for all the excuses in the world. Don't accept any of them. If you
do, you look like a chump and will have ended your chances. If you don't
put up with it, you'll have just told her that you're someone of value.
If she apologizes and is genuinely remorseful, then give her ONE MORE
chance. This next time, tell her that you're not going to go somewhere
and wait around to see if she shows. She's obviously not trustworthy.
The only way you'll go out with her again is to pick her up at her house
- and only then, based on her telling you how she's going to make this
insult up to you.
Don't put up with this shit from women. If you want to know much more
about setting dates, making sure she shows, how to deal even more
directly with all of this, check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World I & II" on my website.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
______________________________________________________________
About The Book:
Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.
Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.
This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.
Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.
It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every
week with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's
world.
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