Hi. Iíd like to hear your thoughts on the subject of interracial dating.
Iím a young black male that has always dated women of my own race.
Partly out of personal growth in my attitudes, as well as an admitted
curiosity, Iíve recently been noticing, and have a great attraction for
Iíve never approached, nor dated a girl from another race before, and I
was wondering if you could tell me if there is anything I should say or
do differently to approach them. Iím about to go into uncharted
territory, and I guess I have a little fear of the unknown.
Unfortunately, we donít exactly live in a society thatís very open
minded. If Iím successful in dating a woman that happens to be white,
Iím willing to put up with all of the stares and snide comments, just as
long as we are happy, and deal with the challenges it brings together.
Any help or advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank
you very much in advance.
I encourage you fully to explore women of all nationalities and races!
When you find someone that is attractive to you, what does it really
matter what race they are?
Ok, that's rather simplistic, but in fact, it's accurate - as we shall
see in a moment. There are certainly those that won't agree with me and
it doesn't matter what part of the world they live in. Some people have
a problem with dating outside their own race. Of course, most often that
problem is for OTHERS rather than themselves. If they found someone of
another race to be attractive, they would probably make an exception.
Even some parents have difficulties with their children dating someone
outside of their race, religion, socio-economic class, neighborhood,
close family, (kidding), etc. This is due to a mistaken belief that
somehow people of similar backgrounds will have a greater chance of
success. Interestingly, many studies have shown that it's exactly the
differences that often make for a better relationship!
Consider this: [oh no! here comes the science] throughout human history,
there have been periods where huge numbers of people have been wiped out
due to plague, climate changes, environmental disasters, and the like.
According to current research in the human genome, scientists have
discovered that every person on the planet today has likely come from a
core group of just 2,000 individuals producing only about 1,000 unique
genetic systems! That means that genetically, you're the exact same as
every 1,000th person! Now, if you do the math, with 6.4 billion people
on Earth. That would mean that you have 6,400,000 twins!
What's even more interesting is that the genetic differences between the
races is almost imperceptible. In other words, race is actually a matter
a person's perception - not reality. Where your ancestors lived had
something to do with how you look, (dark skin, light skin, brown eyes,
blue eyes, etc.) but even that changes as genetic individuals
"diversify" over time. Today, there really isn't such a thing as a
"pure" race of people!
As to how to approach white women consider this: how do you approach
women in general; not "white" women, but any woman? There will be some
women that will be very interested in meeting you as a black man, and
there will be some women that won't be - just like black women! Do
everything you're doing now and don't bother yourself with race. Concern
yourself with the quality of the people you're approaching - that has
much greater bearing on your success.
Dr. Dennis Neder
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
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For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
Copyright (c) 2004 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.