Dr. Dennis Neder,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
I'm 21 years old and this girl that I've been talking to is turning 28
pretty soon. This girl has been really down on the dumps with personal
problems, losing family members, etc. and we've been keeping each other
"company" if you will.
I want more than that however. I have a feeling that deep down, she does
to. But the age thing comes up every once in a while. So what steps
should I take to try to get her to see that we belong together?
First of all, the age issue isn't an issue at all. It's all in how you
handle it. I'd suggest that you simply ignore it entirely unless she
brings it up. If she does just say, "You know, I don't plan to make an
issue of your being older than I am because it means nothing." In
effect, you'll have turned this around into the nothing-issue that it is
in a single sentence.
What does trouble me however, is that you've become her friend. That's
relationship death! Women don't date their "friends" and use the
friends-label as a way of keeping you at arms-length. If you approach
her for more, she can say, "Oh, I don't see you like that, you're my
No man worthy of this girl would put up with that. Many men are too
scared to actually approach these girls and be something more. They
actually think they can "work it from the inside" by being the nice guy
and that somehow the girl will fall in love with them and do all their
work for them. Let me assure you of this: that is an absolute turn-off
to women. Women don't want guys that are too much of a pussy to tell
them what they really want; and do you really think she doesn't know
what you want anyway?
I wish guys would get this figured out already. Being her friend may
very well prevent you from ever being anything else to her. For much
more on this please read my FAQ's at my website:
and click on "self help".
As to what to do with this I suggest you make a decision for yourself.
Are you really going to be this girl's friend or not? If not, then I
suggest that you use the "Opening Kiss" technique from my second book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World II". It goes like this:
The very next time you see this girl, don't hesitate even a second. Walk
right up to her and kiss her squarely on the lips. Don't make it a
little peck like you'd kiss your grandmother, make it a really kiss! Do
this before you do anything else.
This is going to help you in many ways, including:
1) You're going to discover exactly what she thinks of you - if you're
in the "friend-zone" you'll know it right away.
2) You're going to change any possible friendship into what you really
want with her.
3) There's going to be no ambiguity of where you're going.
4) You'll come off as the strong, powerful guy you can be and trust me,
she'll be impressed.
5) By putting things out on the table, you both can deal with them -
including the age issue - and start building what you really want.
My brother, don't do the friend-thing to yourself. You deserve much
Dr. Dennis Neder
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
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"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
Copyright (c) Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.