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Dealing With Rejection

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIE Dr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

"If you're insecure and use that as an excuse to create problems in your relationship, it's you that needs to get this straightened out and it has nothing to do with your father."

Hey Doc,
What is the best way to deal with rejection (in all forms and scales) when interacting with women?

I think if anyone (male or female) can master this one area they would be able to attract much more meaningful relationships into their lives.

I see the reaction to rejection as the best window of insight of a person's true self.

If you could give me some light in the area of dealing with rejection from women I would be most enlightened :)

In any battle, I always recommend that you begin with superior firepower. If she brings a slingshot, bring a sword. If she brings a handgun, bring a shotgun. If she brings an Uzi, have a Sherman tank at the ready. Landmind? Cruise-missle.

First of all, what exactly do you mean by "rejection". Here's the reality: women will rarely out-right reject you! In fact, women are far, far more likely to redirect you instead. Men too by the way.

"Let's just be friends" or "I don't see you that way" or not answering the phone are examples of this. Very few women are just going to say "No, I'm not interested." In fact, I wish that weren't the case. It'd be so much easier if women WOULD just plain reject you!

On the flip side, there is so much you can to do NOT get any form of rejection anyway. Consider that your approach is everything. From getting digits to setting the first date to converting to sex and relationships, every aspect of this game has rules and you can use to move things forward. Interestingly, women respond very well to these things too. I've seen guys that would otherwise never get the time of day start long-term relationships with girls you'd consider out of their leagues and so have you.

I agee with you on this: if anyone could get over their fear of rejection they'd never have to worry about it and would start getting out there and meeting great partners. Most guys (and even girls!) actually fill their minds with this useless belief and it stiffles them from actually meeting someone.

With many people, this is where I have to start - fixing their mistaken belief that people will actually reject them. That's not always easy to do for some people because they've built it up into something that they actually believe they've "earned". No shit! It's very difficult to get some guys to understand that no, they didn't earn it, they've simply manifested it through their own minds, seeing and believing something that just wasn't true.

Here's a great little trick I teach my students to get past this fear. It's call the "20 no's".

I give my fearful students the task of going out over the next 2 weeks and actually meeting enough women to get 20 no's from them. Some of them actually laugh and say, "Well, that's not going to take me 2 weeks!"

Then, they come back as changed men. Here's why: as special as you are Jim - or any guy is - you're not so special as to fail every single time! Thus, even if you totally blow it, you're still going to walk away with 5-7 phone numbers!

Now, what do you think is going to happen to your self-image if you have 5 phone numbers you need to call back next weekend for your first date?

Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 

About The Book:

Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.

Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.

This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.

Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.

It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.

Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:

aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every week with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's world.


Dr. Dennis Neder



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