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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"Get your own attitude
in check here and stop putting your level of trust into someone else's
hands. Further, take back the control of your respect. You deserve that
from someone that claims to love you."
Dear Doc,
I am 30 years old and have never been on a date. I had very bad anxiety
because of my obsessive compulsive disorder. It's not as bad now, but I
don't have much experience talking to people.
I talk to people at work and they want to
help me, but I fear I am not experienced enough. I don't drink, dance,
smoke or do drugs. I don't go to clubs or bars or anything.
All the places I go seem pretty boring to
others when I think about it and it's hard for me to want to go anywhere
else. I have no idea what to do.
Please advise.
Hello!
First of all, open the lid to the box you've created for yourself and
get some air!
More than half of your question was telling me about all the things you
don't do. What about the things you DO do? What you're doing is creating
all sorts of mental barriers to having what you want rather than seeing
all the opportunities that you do have.
This is where we need to begin - by changing you from a "move away" type
of person to a "moving toward" type of person. In other words, by
focusing in what you don't do; don't have; don't want, etc., you're
pushing your own life away from you. Frankly, that's entirely the wrong
focus here. What you want to do is to focus on specifically what you do
what, what you do like, etc.
You see, great women are all over the place. Every time you go out to
grab a bite to eat, go to the bookstore, go fill your car with gas, go
to the doctor or even go to work - you see great women there. These are
your "opportunities". The only challenge you face is that you don't have
enough experience or security in order to meet these women.
This has been a pattern for 30 years of your life. How has that worked
out for you? Is it getting you where you want to go? Are you happy with
the results? Obviously, you are not. You know there is more out there
for you and you want to have that. I want you to have that too. So, what
separates you from having what you want? Answer: two things: attitude
and education. That's it! Seems overly simple doesn't it? Well, it's
not.
We start by changing your attitude from "can't", "won't", "don't" to
"can", "will" and "do". This is the beginning of everything, and is
based on pure belief-science. In fact, it works for you just as it does
everyone else. It's time to start seeing the possibilities here.
You should also understand that you're not alone here. I get letters
every week from guys (and girls too!) just like you that are in their
20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and even 60's that have never been on a date or
even kissed someone else! These people can change their lives and so can
you. You simply have to believe it's true so that you start seeing
opportunity all around you rather than limitations. The only limitations
you face are within those 6 inches between your ears.
Now, on to the next part, the education.
Let's say that you knew exactly what to say to some woman you thought
was cute. Then, when she responded (well by the way - people are
generally interested in meeting and talking with other people they find
interesting) you could respond equally well and with confidence. Do you
think you'd have trouble talking to women - or anyone for that matter?
Of course not. It'd almost be easy, even fun!
That's the way this evolution happens. You begin your education by
learning some simple facts about us humans. One of the most important is
this: everyone is most interested in just one thing: themselves. Armed
with that knowledge, all you need is to talk about your targets (the
woman you want to approach) favorite subject: herself!
I'm getting a little ahead of myself however because before you start
talking to her about her, you first need to find and approach her,
right? As I've already said, this is actually pretty easy too. Great
women are everywhere! You just have to be outside your own home to meet
them. Next comes the approach. How do you actually strike up a
conversation with someone? I teach a thing called "context". It's very
simple. All you have to do is to ask yourself, "what do her and I have
in common at this very instant in time at this very place?" It could be
the fact that she likes sub sandwiches (sandwich shop), or reads fiction
(bookstore) or owns a car and needs to have new tires put on it (tire
shop), etc. It could even be the weather or the fact that you both live
in the same city. In fact, the context doesn't really even matter! It
can be absolutely anything!
Once you start the approach, you learn to ask open-ended questions in
order to get her talking and by doing so, you begin to establish rapport
and connection (using communication skills that you'll learn) which
leads to attraction. Finally, you close for numbers or even impromptu
dates. It all seems very simple, because it is!
The trick however is to learn all of these skills just like you learn to
do your job. Which is more important to you? Obviously you have to work
to survive, but you have to love to really live! I suggest you get
started right away on building this new knowledge base. Go get copies of
my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and get started with
your education. You've already spent 30 years not knowing all of these
things. Why not spend the next year building that knowledge so that you
can spend the next 30 years exploiting it?
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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