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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
Dear Dennis,
I wonder about this from time to time, but I figure that I need an
answer from an insightful man in order to get a truthful answer on this:
Do men respect women in general? Do men pity women in general, because
of our vulnerabilities? Or do men have a certain "hard-to-explain"
admiration for women at times and pity other times? What can a woman do
to get and earn men's respect in most cases? A lot of men speak in a
condescending way towards and about women. Can a woman have a lot of sex
and still get a lot of respect? Can a woman talk about having a lot of
sex and still get respect? Why do many women seem to never grow out of
that adolescent unsure-of-themselves phase, while men tend to realize
their strengths and utilize them to their benefit?
Okay, it's a lot of questions - but they all really center around one
general principle of respect. It seems to me that many women can't seem
to get a grip on the power that they possess, and forever see themselves
as being in a position whereby they have to compete and prove their
worth - rather than being in a position where they already understand
their worth and are just looking for a man who meets "their" standards.
I see that women constantly compromise, when
they don't need to - turn themselves into whores and fake bi-sexuals
sometimes - just to compete with ambitious attention whores.
What are your thoughts?
Hello!
Yes, that IS a lot of questions! However, there is one simple answer to
them all: yes and no.
Some men respect all women and some don't respect any women at all. Many
women ("feminists" in particular) demand that all women (as a group) are
given respect whereas many male chauvinists follow the policy of giving
no woman respect whatsoever. In fact, in every case these are all stupid
and ignorant philosophies!
I've done many interviews wherein the interviewer (most often a feminist
herself) accused me of not "respecting women"; usually because they read
some small part of my book or an article that they don't like. My
response is this: "You're right!" In fact, I don't respect "women". I
also don't respect politicians or dog trainers or Christian
fundamentalists or boy scouts or school teachers or those in the
military or computer programmers or any other particular group of
people. I only respect individuals; and then, only based on what they
say and do. Indeed, there are many women that I have absolutely no
respect for, and some of these have even earned my disdain. On the other
hand, there are many women that have earned my highest respect.
I would never presume to speak for every man out there, but according to
my own research, and the huge number of letters I get everyday from
readers, I believe that in general, most men feel very good about women.
Is this "respect"? I can't say specifically, but I think there has to be
at least some respect involved in order to have these kinds of positive
feelings. If men are guilty of any respect-based crimes, I think it's
giving away too much respect too soon, but in fact, this isn't a huge,
rampant problem and most men learn to deal with this early on.
On the other hand, men view women very *differently* than themselves.
That difference in view doesn't mean that they don't respect women (or
that they do either!), it's just "different". For example, I'm sure that
you know many women that also view men differently than themselves.
There's a reason why most women prefer a man that's taller - it's
because they view these men as able to protect and even nurture them.
This is a natural, inborn need for these women in order to feel love. On
the other hand, they don't feel the same way about women that are taller
than themselves however.
Is that "respect"? Not really. It's just a different way of feeling
about the opposite gender. Respect may be involved, but it's not the
foundation of how they feel.
In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I talk pretty
heavily about these gender differences and specifically how they affect
our relationships with each other. I want both men and women to learn to
play into these differences for their own advantages. What you call
"power" I simply call natural advantage, and I believe that each of us
possesses different sets of these advantages in different measure.
That's a good thing - especially when we learn to use them to improve
our lives and even the lives of others around us.
It's because of these differences however that I can't specifically
answer your questions! For instance, "Can a woman that has lots of sex
still be respected?" That's impossible to answer generally. For me, yes,
she can earn my respect since the amount of sex she has had has no
bearing on how I respect her. In fact, I think that someone that is
highly sexually mature can be very respectable! What's more important to
our very beings than our sexuality? I don't know of any particular
attribute that is more foundational than our sexuality. Thus, someone
that has worked hard to build theirs in a healthy way is someone that is
likely to earn my respect. Likewise, someone that has avoided building
and understanding their own sexuality is someone that is likely to NOT
get my respect!
Other men however see this either as a threat or view it negatively for
some other belief. They might very well not give respect for this. Is
that "wrong"? To me it is, but that's just one opinion. They feel it's
perfectly right to believe as they do.
What I advise people is to create their own yardsticks based on their
own beliefs, desires, experiences and philosophies and to be clear about
them. There's nothing wrong with adopting a particular belief system
that someone else creates as long as they know WHY they believe as they
do. Simply adopting something to fill in a gap isn't a respectable
action. Knowing why someone believes in something and how it affects
that individual - and adopting it because it fits well their own belief
system - is.
Then, when situations come along, they can simply apply that against
their own yardsticks and see how they fit. If they fit well, then this
person might (based on many other factors) be worthy of their respect.
If not, they may choose to no respect that individual.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
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For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
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Copyright (c) 2007 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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