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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"The real problem here is you. You're
in control here if you'd just take it, but instead, you let her take the
lead out of fear of losing her."
Hi Doc,
I've been friends with this girl all through high school but since
December we have been best friends. The past 2 months we have brought
our friendship to a new level - friends with benefits you could say. She
has been going out with another guy for about 2 years but they were on a
"break" when this stuff happened and he is a real douche bag to her and
doesn't treat her good at all.
She always talks to me about it and we have talked about going out but
she always says that she feels like she has to be with him because her
parents like him. The problem is that we get along so good and have
amazing times when we are together. I just don't know what to do because
she is giving this guy another chance for the hundredth time, when I'm
sitting here waiting for my first chance. I can't stop thinking about
her.
What should I do?
Hello!
I'm going to answer your question, but I want you to stop and think
about this for a minute: supposedly she's on a "break" and yet she's
banging it out with you? What kind of break is that? If you ask me, it's
a pretty damn disrespectful one to everyone involved - her boyfriend AND
you!
This technicality doesn't change her relationship with this guy. In
order to understand this, go to my website (http://beingaman.com)
and click on BAM TV. Watch the video there on breaks.
The bottom line is that she's using both of you. She goes running back
to this guy that supposedly mistreats her (and remember, you're only
getting one side of the story AND you're not exactly uninvolved here to
see both sides easily) but she keeps you hanging on in the wings
whenever she wants something different. She knows damn well what you're
doing there by the way.
The real problem here is you. You're in control here if you'd just take
it, but instead, you let her take the lead out of fear of losing her.
She doesn't want that position and it's the specific reason why she
doesn't dump this guy for you.
Now, what would happen if you got scarce and started dating other girls?
What you fear is that she would bond even tighter with her boyfriend.
The reality is that she would miss you and wonder why you're not around.
Your answer to that is that you're tired of her screwing up her life
with such a loser when she has someone like you around and since she
doesn't seem to know the difference, you're going to go find a girl that
does.
Do you think that attitude is going to get her off the fence? Well, one
thing we do know is that the way things are now isn't working out very
well for you.
It's time to change your actions if you want to change your situation.
Even better, if you're dating 2 or 3 other girls, you're not really
going to care very much about what she does anyway!
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
______________________________________________________________
About The Book:
Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.
Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.
This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.
Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.
It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every
week with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's
world.
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