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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"Your boyfriend may
actually be fighting his own internal wiring to be faithful to you!"
Hey Doc,
I have a problem with my boyfriend of 7 months - I want sex more than he
does. We have sex about 2 or 3 times a week, but I want it more. I'm
told a lot that I'm very attractive and I've never had this problem with
other men.
At first he was very eager, but then it faded. I often make a special
effort and dress up for him, but I can't do that all the time. He pushes
me away sometimes when I come onto him and very rarely instigates sex.
Its making me feel rejected and unattractive.
The other day he turned me down because had just got out of the bath and
we were going out. I don't know where to go with this and otherwise we
have a good relationship, but its starting to get me down.
Hello!
This is something of an unknown - or unspoken - problem that many
couples face. You've no doubt heard that in some relationships, it's the
woman that wants sex less than the man, but in some (like yours) it's
the other way around.
There could be any of a couple of issues going on here. Either he just
doesn't need as much sex as you do, or it's the very closeness of your
relationship that's causing him to be less sexually interested. Just an
aside, this probably has little to do with your looks by the way.
In the first case you can do a lot to improve this here by helping to
get some regular exercise, drop weight (if he's heavy), help him to
change his diet, help him to relieve stress at work and many other
things that can affect the libido - male OR female.
If these things aren't the case it might be the closeness problem. Let
me explain: (*warning: there's some science coming up next, but it's
important to help understand the problem.)
Human males (just like 98% of all mammalian species) are not monogamous
by nature. In fact, it's that inborn need to hunt (to have sex with
different females) that helps to insure the survival of the species and
to pass their genes on to the next generation. However, we can choose to
be - going against our natural wiring.
The idea of the "pair-bond" (monogamous coupling) is actually very new
to humans - only being about 5,000 years old. That seems like a long
time until you realize that we've been around for about 7.5 million
years. That means that we've only been doing the pair-bonding thing for
about 0.067% (that's 67/1000th's of a percent) of the time we've been
here! We've been doing it the other way for more than 99.9% of the time!
In fact, pair-bonding isn't "natural" for humans any more than it is for
most mammals.
I told you that for one simple reason: your boyfriend may actually be
fighting his own internal wiring to be faithful to you! This is also the
reason why many men like porn - it gives us the ability to stay true to
our promises to you while addressing our internal needs.
I'm guessing that you also live together which actually enhances his
lack of interest. In effect, you're too close to him so his natural
wiring kicks off and reduces his sexual interest in you somewhat.
Knowing this however, gives you new tools that you can use to help
improve your sex life. I'm not suggesting you bring in new partners or
send him out to get laid. I'm suggesting that by dressing up and even
wearing a wig on occasion, you'll find that you appear like someone else
and this may very well improve his interest in you.
Another way to check this is to see how he is after he comes home from a
trip. Is he horny all the time for days afterward? If so, it's likely
because of the separation. This tells you that by changing things up -
choosing different locations for instance or having sex differently -
you may really help to increase the quantity of sex you get.
For instance, instead of always starting off with a make-out session,
blow him instead but don't let him finish. Then, get to the make-out
session. You might also masturbate for him and let him do that for you
too. There are 1001 ways to change things up and they don't have to be
big changes at all. All of these things will help to increase his sexual
interest in you.
Ultimately, you're in the same boat as many of the guys that write to
me. You can make some substantial improvements here with your own
actions and attitudes, but you're still not likely to get all the sex
you could want. It's common for couples to be somewhat sexually
mismatched. Thus, I strongly encourage you to become a great mastubator
at the same time to help deal with your needs.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
______________________________________________________________
About The Book:
Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.
Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.
This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.
Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.
It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every
week with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's
world.
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