Dr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"I've been single for the past 5 years and want to start dating again but how can I avoid any nasty experiences with men?"
Dear Dr. Neder,
I’m a 33-year-old, separated woman and haven’t dated anyone in over 5 years. I’m unsure, nervous and scared of the future but want to get on with life.
I have had nasty experiences before in regards to men and relationships and I don’t know how to take steps towards a steady, sane, normal relationship.
I know my question is as confused as I am! Please help, I feel I’m sinking.
No, I understand what you're asking. You want to know how to create a strong, passionate, worthwhile relationship while mitigating the risks of being hurt to all but nothing.
The answer is just as simple: you can't.
Consider this: any relationship you get into where you don't invest yourself completely isn't one that's worth having in the first place.
The reason for this is simple: you want depth and intensity, you want joy, you want love. These things only come when you can throw (most) caution to the wind and just "be" within the relationship itself without fear; or at the very least, to know that you'll be able to deal with any hurt you do encounter.
It's that last sentence that's your key to getting what you want.
Let's say that you had spent the last 5 years working on your own personal, inner strength. You had used that time to build yourself up and to come to a place where you realized that you could handle anything you encountered. Would that change your options today? You bet it would!
Of course, you and I know that you haven't done this. How do we know? Simple: you wouldn't be writing this question to me now. You'd be out taking the risks you need to take in order to have what you want!
So, my question to you is this: what are you waiting for? Oh, right. You're scared. Well honey, welcome to the club! EVERYONE is scared of getting hurt. Well, actually ALMOST everyone.
There are those of us that have been through all the hurt and strengthened our characters to the point that we realize that no matter how badly we hurt, we'll survive it.
There are those of us that actually seek out the chance to be hurt because we know that's the only way we'll find the degree of excitement and passion in our lives that we want - and richly deserve.
This is your answer: start right this very minute to seek out those emotional roller coasters.
Go find your chances to get hurt and begin to discover what many people before you have found - that you can actually get through these things and by doing so, have something so incredible that they write songs, books and plays about it.
You deserve these things as much as anyone, but it's YOU that has to
walk out your door and go find it; fearlessly, confidently and with
the focus of getting what you want.
Dr. Dennis Neder
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2009 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at email@example.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com