Dr. Dennis Neder,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
I have been reading your article on kissing. (http://www.beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=164)
My question is about kissing someone you've just met. As a woman, I find
that most guys love to shove the tongue in immediately rather than
starting off a kiss slowly. Is it ok to tell them not to use the tongue
or will they take that as an insult to their kissing ability and an
indicator that you don't want to kiss them anymore?
I find I have to try not to gag when they do
this because I don't really like things shoved down my throat. I can't
even go to the dentist without gagging! What should I do? I want to
enjoy the kiss but all I can think about is how I might gag while I'm
being kissed. I really don't like tongue kissing.
Thanks for you help
I'm always amazed at how
many people - both men AND women - just don't know how to kiss well.
This is what I consider a "dating 101" skill but many people skipped
class. Of course, this is likely because they've never been with a good
kisser before and don't know that there are certain skills and
It's not an insult to tell someone what you don't want if you tell them
properly. If you simple recoil and say "Ewww..." that might be taken as
an insult. But if you pull back and say, "Wait a minute, try it like
this..." and show them you're effectively saying, "This is what I
like..." not "This is what you're doing wrong..."
This same skill translates right into the bedroom. If you don't know how
to ask for what you want, don't be surprised when you don't get it.
You might also refer this person to my article so that they can learn
this important skill for themselves. By helping to teach this person how
to kiss properly, you'll be doing a great service to anyone else they
kiss later on. It's an important skill that everyone needs to learn - if
only they can find a teacher.
Dr. Dennis Neder
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