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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"I've heard that the
key to communication is to listen, ask questions about the other person
when communicating, and to make eye contact. Is this the key?"
Dear Doc,
I need some help on communication.
I have trouble with communication. For some
reason I am just not effective at communicating; especially with women.
I really just don't know how to communicate effectively.
I've heard that the key to communication is
to listen, ask questions about the other person when communicating, and
to make eye contact. Is this the key? How do I become a professional at
communication?
Hello!
There are two separate issues with communications. The first is simply
to connect with someone else on a basic level. You're more or less on
the right path, but I'll give you some better ideas how to make that
work in a minute.
The second aspect is to directly and specifically create rapport and
connection which leads to attraction. Let's look at the differences.
When you meet someone new that you're not interested in romantically,
(maybe a friend or coworker for example), using the first type of
communication is fine. You find out about that person and share aspects
of yourself. This is what most people do with communication.
Many people think that communication of this type is talking. Nothing
could be further from the truth! In fact, it is listening, but listening
with intelligence behind it. You can learn to ask "open-ended questions"
(see my FAQ's at my website:
http://beingaman.com,
then click on "self help") that give the other person a chance to talk
about their favorite subject - themselves. Eventually they walk away
thinking what a great communicator YOU are because they just couldn't
stop talking - about themselves! See how this works?
The problem with this is that you're not building rapport or real
connection or (especially) attraction. Thus, it's not enough when you're
talking to women.
This is where the second type of communication comes into play. This is
a thing I call "power communication". It's about using communication in
very specific ways with very specific goals.
In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I go into 4
different communication "models" or "CM's". CMs are used to build quick
attraction in someone you've either just met or have known for a while.
Here are the four CM's I teach:
1) Male vrs. Female Model
2) Motivation Model
3) Neuro-Linguistic Programming Model (NLP)
4) Sexuality/Suggestibility Model
When you either match or counter a person's specific CM, (or 2, 3 or all
4 of them) you build incredible connection with that person. They begin
to see you just as they see themselves. You become a "kindred spirit"
which brings you close to them. They feel trust, comfort and deep
connection.
As you get closer, they also begin to feel affection for you; just as
they do for themselves! I can't tell you how often I'll meet a new girl,
determine and match her CM's and have her say, "You know, I feel like
I've known you all my life!" Interestingly, she has! She's looking in a
mirror!
You can see how powerful this sort of communication skill can be! You
can use it with anyone by the way - not just with a girl you've just
met. We are all pre-wired with facilities that make it possible for us
to interact within our societies. Much of that interaction is about
connecting with others and especially building bonds with others -
particularly those of the opposite sex. That's how humans have stayed
around on this planet!
We've evolved these systems specifically for this purpose. I strongly
encourage you to learn these systems really well and to use them to your
advantage. They are extremely powerful things!
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2008 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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