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Learning to Communicate

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIE Dr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

"I've heard that the key to communication is to listen, ask questions about the other person when communicating, and to make eye contact. Is this the key?"

Dear Doc,
I need some help on communication.

I have trouble with communication. For some reason I am just not effective at communicating; especially with women. I really just don't know how to communicate effectively.

I've heard that the key to communication is to listen, ask questions about the other person when communicating, and to make eye contact. Is this the key? How do I become a professional at communication?

There are two separate issues with communications. The first is simply to connect with someone else on a basic level. You're more or less on the right path, but I'll give you some better ideas how to make that work in a minute.

The second aspect is to directly and specifically create rapport and connection which leads to attraction. Let's look at the differences.

When you meet someone new that you're not interested in romantically, (maybe a friend or coworker for example), using the first type of communication is fine. You find out about that person and share aspects of yourself. This is what most people do with communication.

Many people think that communication of this type is talking. Nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, it is listening, but listening with intelligence behind it. You can learn to ask "open-ended questions" (see my FAQ's at my website:, then click on "self help") that give the other person a chance to talk about their favorite subject - themselves. Eventually they walk away thinking what a great communicator YOU are because they just couldn't stop talking - about themselves! See how this works?

The problem with this is that you're not building rapport or real connection or (especially) attraction. Thus, it's not enough when you're talking to women.

This is where the second type of communication comes into play. This is a thing I call "power communication". It's about using communication in very specific ways with very specific goals.

In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I go into 4 different communication "models" or "CM's". CMs are used to build quick attraction in someone you've either just met or have known for a while. Here are the four CM's I teach:

1) Male vrs. Female Model
2) Motivation Model
3) Neuro-Linguistic Programming Model (NLP)
4) Sexuality/Suggestibility Model

When you either match or counter a person's specific CM, (or 2, 3 or all 4 of them) you build incredible connection with that person. They begin to see you just as they see themselves. You become a "kindred spirit" which brings you close to them. They feel trust, comfort and deep connection.

As you get closer, they also begin to feel affection for you; just as they do for themselves! I can't tell you how often I'll meet a new girl, determine and match her CM's and have her say, "You know, I feel like I've known you all my life!" Interestingly, she has! She's looking in a mirror!

You can see how powerful this sort of communication skill can be! You can use it with anyone by the way - not just with a girl you've just met. We are all pre-wired with facilities that make it possible for us to interact within our societies. Much of that interaction is about connecting with others and especially building bonds with others - particularly those of the opposite sex. That's how humans have stayed around on this planet!

We've evolved these systems specifically for this purpose. I strongly encourage you to learn these systems really well and to use them to your advantage. They are extremely powerful things!

Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.



Dr. Dennis Neder


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 
About The Book:

Men and women continue to complain about their relationships. Married or single, the same issues seem to keep coming up.

Many men have trouble meeting women. They might meet them; they just can't get their numbers. When they do get a number, they can't get them to go out. When they do get them to go out, they wind up spending a fortune and getting dumped a month later. Of those that actually do establish relationships, they find them unfulfilling and fraught with the same, consistent, almost predictable problems.

This book began life about 13 years ago. It was directed to the single man looking for love in Southern California. Since then, it has evolved into something similar, but much more broad in scope. It seeks to bridge the gap between men and women by combining an understanding of men's place in today's world of women, communication skills, sales skills, and an organized plan - once and for all. It does this by focusing on the man's core - who we are, by evolution, by education, by society, and by necessity.

Men and women have continued to have the same problems for hundreds of years. It's time to put these problems to rest. We are in a woman-focused time in history. Not that this is bad, but it is one-sided. Men have an opportunity to succeed in their relationships just as they have strived to succeed in their jobs.

It's time for men to take their place. To be the partners that women want them to be. Not necessarily what they say they want, but what they really want - and need! As men we owe this to our women. Women crave who and what we are fundamentally. May the joy of being a man become part of your daily life. May the women in your life find new reasons to love and cherish you. May you begin to get along, communicate, and find your best with your partner. I wish this for you.

Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:

aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Dr. Dennis Neder every Thursday with new articles to help men take their place as partners in a women's world.



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