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The “Un-Ex”: The Long Distance Relationship Fantasy

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIEDr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

"This long-distance thing is absolutely ridiculous. You may FEEL like it's something, but it's not. It only exists in your noggin."

Dear Doc,
I was in a long distance relationship over the internet and it ended 5 weeks ago.

Basically I screwed up in silly ways and hurt her. I quit for a day, but came back and after staying away for another day she added me again during that first week (she said she'll always love me.)

Over the next week or so I tried to put things back together with her. I asked if she needed time and space and she said yes because she wasn't over things. We both were/are in deeply love. I was talking about our relationship with other regulars on the site and I know she hates that. One guy ratted me out about saying things to her claiming that we'll only be "friends" and well I finally just stayed away for a week and a half and came back last Friday.

I know she still feels the same and eventually will consider taking me back. She's a flirt and obviously has been naughty since, even if it means nothing that side of stuff.

I know I should just give it more time, but when I see her online I try to be strong and make it look like her flirting doesn’t bother me, but I can’t seem to help myself and I contact her again. I know she thinks we are meant to be (even if we’re in totally different countries.)

I'd like your advice on what she's thinking and some suggestions as to how to handle this with her. Do I just need to try to back off and give this more time?

Hello!
Being in a long-distance relationship means that you were in no relationship at all. The "relationship" existed only in your head - nowhere else.

First of all, I don't read minds, so I can't tell you what she's thinking. The only one that knows that is her. You're going to have to go ask her.

Now, let me ask you: what do you really want from me here? Do you want me to help you perpetuate this fantasy you have? Do you want me to tell you how to actually PREVENT you from having a REAL relationship with a girl right there in your own backyard with all the richness that you deserve?

I'm not going to do that. This long-distance thing is absolutely ridiculous. You may FEEL like it's something, but it's not. It only exists in your noggin.

If you can't reach out and hold her hand whenever you want. If you can't kiss her lips or hold her when she needs, you have nothing.

Even worse, you're actually PREVENTING yourself from finding someone that you could have these things with!

You think you're in a "committed relationship" (or were) with this girl? No, you're not. It's simply not reality, and I'm not going to help you continue this unhealthy, cruel fantasy.

Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder

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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.beingaman.com

Copyright (c) 2007-2009 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com 

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