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Dr. Dennis Neder: The Mathematics of Moving In Together


My boyfriend and I plan to move in together and this is a first for both of us. We have a number of things we need to buy but I think that it would be best to divide them evenly according to income. I'm not very good at math though. Do you know an equation for this?


Well, I AM good at math! If you want an equation in order to be equitable, try this one:

Step 1: your income / his income = percentage difference.
Step 2: Purchase amount * percentage difference = your share of the costs

That will give you an exact breakout of your costs based exclusively on income. You have many other issues about moving in together as well. Aren’t you both bringing things into the new household that you both have already paid for? Are these being included in the costs of living together? What about rent, utilities and household items?

The only problem with this formula is that relationships (of any format) are rarely even, balanced and equitable. For instance, did you pay exactly this percentage of the dating costs? Do you give gifts exclusively based on what you make – or what your partner wants? What about the household bills? What about your own personal items, etc.?

There are a thousand and one financial considerations to make here but if you’re going to do it exclusively on finances, I think you’re really missing the boat on moving in together.

What is it that you really want by moving in with your boyfriend? Are you looking to become an accountant and have to track every penny, or are you looking to grow your relationship together in a way that only moving in with each other can give you? If coin is your primary focus, I see a time when you start to place value on whom does what household chore, or who has more orgasms or something like that.

Instead, I suggest you consider what you need, divide it up as you can best afford those things – and create a budget for those things you can’t buy right now – and then put money into a fund to get them later. But, don’t dwell on the finances here; dwell on the quality of the relationship.

There will be times when you put in more than he does and vice versa. That’s how relationships work. However, the best relationships never focus on equations or finances. The focus on the benefits both people get from being in them.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) 2004 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.

Dr. Dennis Neder

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 

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