Doc:
My boyfriend and I plan to move in together and this is a first for both
of us. We have a number of things we need to buy but I think that it
would be best to divide them evenly according to income. I'm not very
good at math though. Do you know an equation for this?
Hello!
Well, I AM good at math! If you want an equation in order to be
equitable, try this one:
Step 1: your income / his income = percentage difference.
Step 2: Purchase amount * percentage difference = your share of the
costs
That will give you an exact breakout of your costs based exclusively on
income. You have many other issues about moving in together as well.
Aren’t you both bringing things into the new household that you both
have already paid for? Are these being included in the costs of living
together? What about rent, utilities and household items?
The only problem with this formula is that relationships (of any format)
are rarely even, balanced and equitable. For instance, did you pay
exactly this percentage of the dating costs? Do you give gifts
exclusively based on what you make – or what your partner wants? What
about the household bills? What about your own personal items, etc.?
There are a thousand and one financial considerations to make here but
if you’re going to do it exclusively on finances, I think you’re really
missing the boat on moving in together.
What is it that you really want by moving in with your boyfriend? Are
you looking to become an accountant and have to track every penny, or
are you looking to grow your relationship together in a way that only
moving in with each other can give you? If coin is your primary focus, I
see a time when you start to place value on whom does what household
chore, or who has more orgasms or something like that.
Instead, I suggest you consider what you need, divide it up as you can
best afford those things – and create a budget for those things you
can’t buy right now – and then put money into a fund to get them later.
But, don’t dwell on the finances here; dwell on the quality of the
relationship.
There will be times when you put in more than he does and vice versa.
That’s how relationships work. However, the best relationships never
focus on equations or finances. The focus on the benefits both people
get from being in them.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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