Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"I just can’t trust someone who always lies to me. She says I’m crazy and controlling but I disagree."
Dear Dr. Neder,
It started as white lies at first about small things then on to more serious things. She is not a very good liar and exposes herself with inconsistent stories and I’m just about fed up.
For instance, she was talking to a few guys before me, and lies about them not calling her. There are a more lies that I’ll spare you from but she thinks I’m overreacting about this and always says, “How are we going to have a relationship without trust?”
I just can’t trust someone who always lies to me. She says I’m crazy and controlling but I disagree, it’s just that she’s so immature that sometimes I know that she’s wrong and I’m right and it makes me talk to her like I’m her dad.
If I don’t say anything when I catch her in a lie she continues to do it, but if I keep getting angry shell probably lie even more because of fear of my reaction. PLEASE HELP!
Yes, your girlfriend is a liar. So are you. So are your parents and your teachers and your co-workers and your pastor and everyone else in the world. Everyone - and I mean EVERYONE - lies.
You are overreacting. Get over it.
Here's the real problem: you want to try to make your girlfriend responsible for your feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. You want her to make you "trust her" when in fact, you simply don't trust yourself to make good decisions about your relationship.
You're trying to get your girlfriend to live up to a standard that even you can't meet. Now, stop. Before you rush to your keyboard to tell me how wrong I am - that you aren't a liar - just don't bother. That itself is a lie.
Do yourself a favor and go to my website (http://BeingAMan.tv) and click on "Video". From there, click "Self Help" and watch the video on "trust". It'll explain to you why what you're trying to do isn't going to work.
Instead, you need to build up that trust from inside first. This is the only reason why she's taking advantage of you - because you let her. Look at it from another angle. Let's say that you were so secure with yourself that if she were having guys over, you'd simply laugh to yourself; realizing that she's losing someone incredible, and go off to find some other girl that knew better. How would that change the scene? Do you think she'd risk losing THAT guy? Of course not.
Right now, what does she risk losing? Frankly, not very much. You're the one that shoulders all the risk - and it's entirely self-inflicted.
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Copyright (c) 2007-2009 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at email@example.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com