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Dr. Dennis Neder: The Perils of Internet Dating


I met a girl online, which seemed to be exactly what I'm looking for. I sent her an email but she didn't respond. Then I asked her why she was playing hard to get? She responded that she wanted to see my picture first. I waited a few days and then finally sent it to her. She was very impressed and responded to my email with great excitement! I sent her a few text messages and she responded with equal excitement. She gave me her phone number without hesitation. This is when things got bad. After our phone call, she seemed a little surprised - because I was not cocky like in my emails. I told her that she didn't know me well enough yet.

I called her again after this but she was busy and finally called me back. I told her that I would call her back the next day because I was busy as now. We agreed that I should call her the next day so we could talk longer. When I called she was not there and I left a message. I did not hear from her that day. I called her again two days later and left another message. Still no response.

Care to give me some advice on this? I was thinking of stopping all contact with her and feel like she was playing me. Am I taking things too personally? What should I be thinking about this situation?



Since releasing "Being a Man in a Woman's World", I have changed my stance on Internet dating, and strongly recommend against it. Many guys complain about that perspective and say, "Well, I met 50 women just this last year!" My question however is: how many of them met your goals (sex, a relationship, etc.)? They're answer is invariably, "Well, no one." That's the way it is with Internet dating - it's a great way to sap your limited resources (time, money, etc.) while only giving an ego boost to a bunch of women you'd otherwise never give the time of day!

With that said, you have to realize that women receive anywhere from 200-300 responses ON AVERAGE. The cuter ones can receive upwards of a thousand or more. You, my brother, are just one in a thousand! Why should she give you any consideration when she has so many other prospects?

What you interpreted as interest was just her weeding through all of that. You might have sparked her interest in the first few emails, but didn't "wow her" on the phone. So, she wrote you off.

Consider this: how much work did you have to go through just to finally get blown off? You had your hopes built up only to have her play you. Also consider that women won't tell you "no". That's not the way they work. They'll let you spend all sorts of time and effort and then just go into hiding, like this one did. Then, if nobody else pans out (she doesn't find her Prince Charming), she MIGHT come back to you, but then, you still just one in a thousand again!

My best advice is to stick with in-person pick-ups. They are FAR more likely of success, and you'll be able to weed out the real women from the posers and Attention Whores.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:


Copyright (c) 2003, 2004 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.

Dr. Dennis Neder

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 

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