Hi there,
I ran across some articles that you wrote, and found on Remington Publications
online and looked at the book, 'Being a Man in a Woman's World.' I have not as
yet read your book but I am so interested in it that I am planning to purchase
it today.
I am a 24-year-old virgin. I have chosen this for myself because I have not
been able to find 'the one' person that is compatible with me as yet. And also
then I still plan on waiting till I get married to have sex. Also I do not
think that teasing a man is good, or turning him on just to let him down. So I
do not engage in kissing, rubbing up on someone etc. My question for you is.
When is it a good time to let men know about my ideals? I have been telling
them straight up what I'm about. But this has lead to me being single so long.
I need advice in this, because I'm confused in how to handle this now.
Secondly I have had only one boyfriend. This was when I was younger about
15-16 years old age. He respected my wishes and me. I was insecure about our
relationship. I wondered why he was dating me when there were so many other
beautiful women out there. So when a 'friend' told me he was cheating on me I
believed her. Needless to say, It was a bad decision on my part. I have not
stopped thinking about him. We lost touch when I cane off to college. But I
have never stopped thinking about him.
What should I do? Please help me decide.
=====
Hello!
Since you've written to me for my opinion, let me offer it: you are wrong,
wrong, wrong about all of this! If you ever have another boyfriend with that
attitude, you'd better consider yourself the luckiest woman on the planet! As
to when you should tell someone about this decision, I think it should be
within the first paragraph of meeting him!
I don't personally know of any man that would ever allow himself to enter into
such a "relationship" and frankly, I often advise men to NOT do so! It is a
very unhealthy, risky thing to do. If you've chosen this lifestyle, fine, but
please don't expect another human being to "respect" you for it. It's just
foolish.
Why do I say this? Simple. You have absolutely NO skills, because you've
avoided learning them. What are you going to use to keep your husband "happy"
in this fantasy relationship you imagine? Of all the things you need to learn,
sexual/physical capability is among the most important! Believe me on this
one! I don't know of any guy that is worthwhile that would accept such a
ridiculous situation. You may find him, but I've never seen one.
So, you may find some guy that would tolerate a
sexless, passionless, premarital relationship with you, but frankly, what are
you telling him? Only one thing: he'd better expect a sexless, passionless
marriage too. Now, don't write to me telling me that isn't the case, because
frankly, you don't know! You don't have any experience to say either way. I
have the experiences of my own highly sexual life, along with over 5,700
letters in the last few years!
If this is a religious decision, I strongly urge you to join a convent. This
is the only practical way in which I believe you can have what you want. You
can completely avoid sex, physicalness, passion, etc., and have a "marriage"
with God instead.
Barring that, I think you'd better expect to be alone the rest of your life,
but know that at least you stuck by your beliefs. Personally, I wish much,
much better for you than this because I think you deserve it.
Best regards...
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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