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Dr. Dennis Neder,
Author:
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
Dear Dr.
Neder,
I'm a 28-year-old guy and I've been working on my career
for the past 5 years and have done pretty well for myself.
I've decided that the next step in my life
is to get married. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should get
started?
Thanks!
Hello!
Yes, I do! Here it is:
STOP!!!
First of all, I'm not against marriage. I think that when you find the
perfect partner for yourself and that you've satisfied a number of other
very important life-requirements that getting married is fine. On the
other hand, setting that as a goal is a mistake, and is something I see
women doing all the time. It becomes not so much about the perfect
person as it is the wedding as an event and just "being married".
Like I've said for years, there aren't too many divorces, there are too
many marriages!
So, when should you decide that getting married is the next step? After
you've satisfied all of the following:
1) You've done everything on your "top 100" list. This is the list you
create for yourself of the "top 100 things you've always wanted to do."
2) You're financially and emotionally stable.
3) You've met the woman of your dreams and you're 100% convinced that
you'll never meet anyone else you'll feel the same way about.
4) You're ready to commit to making the marriage work regardless of the
investment, and,
5) You want to start a family.
Oh, and your partner satisfies these same 5 things too! That's a lot of
things to consider, but let me assure you every one of them is
critically important.
Marriage rarely makes a relationship better. Many people get married
only to learn this lesson too late. Then, they believe that having
children will somehow bring them back together. Nope - wrong again!
These are all things that add stress to the relationship.
The time to consider being married is when you already have the perfect
relationship! You've been together for some time (I recommend no less
than 2 years) and you've done all the other things in your life-list.
Focus on the quality of your relationships - not their format. Being
married has nothing to do with quality, it's only a relationship
"format".
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2006 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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