Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"
"Any guy is marriage material if you can find out how to marry him. Do you understand a guy's needs? What his expectations are? Those are the questions that need answers before any thought of marriage."
Dear Dr. Neder,
What are some signs that a man is "marriage material" and that a woman should definitely consider pursuing him seriously?
Hello!One of the best signs is to check the ring finger of his left hand (at least here in the States); if there's a wedding band there, he's "marriage material".
Unfortunately, your question is based on a false belief: that there are guys that you can marry and guys you can't. While that may be true for individuals; for instance, you and some guy aren't a good match, in fact, any guy can be marriage material depending on the girl.
Here's the reality: Marriage (along with being the wrong focus in the first place) is very different for men and women. For you as a woman; marriage means security, love, family, future, status and many other positive things. That's why you are (wrongly) focusing on it as your goal.
(By the way: I say "wrongly" because marriage isn't what you should be focusing on anyway - marriage is a FORMAT of a relationship - not the relationship itself. What you really want is a happy, healthy relationship in whatever format it takes; but I digress...)
To men however, marriage means loss of freedom, loss of choice, stress, responsibility, having a business partner to make all the decisions with, and many other negative things.
So, here's your key: ANY MAN (and yes, I mean ANY MAN) is "marriage material" PROVIDED you discover exactly what he needs in order to give up his freedom, choice, take on stress and responsibility, etc.; and then BECOME THAT WOMAN TO HIM.
Do you get this? If you become this woman to any guy, he'll have you standing before a minister so fast it'll make your head spin.
So, why do so many men seem to avoid marriage? Obviously for the reasons I've already given you, but it goes deeper. The real reason is that women (especially today) are very much "me-focused". They think "What will *I* get out of this?" Since they want to be married, they focus exclusively on their own wants, wishes, dreams, desires, etc., and just assume that their guys want the same thing.
When they realize this isn't the case, they get angry - at the guy! They claim they were "led on" or that the rules changed; when in fact, the guy simply opened the door for her to try to become this woman to him. She (selfishly) never bothered and then was surprised, hurt and angry when he never pulled the trigger! Frankly, this is just pure arrogance on the part of the woman!
So, to get back to your question: EVERY GUY is "marriage material". It depends far, far more on the woman than the man. The real question becomes then, are YOU "marriage material" for the guy?
Dr. Dennis Neder
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2007-2009 Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at email@example.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com