Marcia Wieder : The Dream Coach
Imagine that there's a gift
in your life, one that's so obvious that every time it shows up it's a
direct sign that you're on the right path to getting what you want. Fear can
be this gift, and this is how it works. You can learn whether you're on the
right path to where you want to be by facing fear and acknowledging it as a
landmark for change. That's the gift. If you were not moving away from your
current identity, if you were not seeking to change your life, you would not
be experiencing fear.
Everyone's life is about
change. Sometimes you change, and sometimes you change your life. Often when
you think you have everything figured out, something happens and significant
parts of your life are altered. Some people fear change, some people resist
change, and some people claim to thrive on it. Human beings seem devoted to
consistency as a way of life. Yet the only constant is change. Therefore,
what you fear may not revolve around what is being changed; what you call
"fear" and associate with a negative belief, may be the body's resistance to
the act of changing.
Because we think of "change"
as filled with murky unknowns, the ultimate fear may feel like death.
However, the experience is actually the old you dying away, and allowing you
to be transformed. When you get what you want, you will be able to release
the part of you that was afraid of making your dream come true. This is good
news: shedding the pieces that no longer fit, so you can create a new dream
to move toward. Fear is actually a measurement tool; it means that you're
leaving the old behind; it's a gift that indicates when you are close to
your dream.
Empowering Yourself Out of Fear
Fear can be seen as a healthy
and natural mechanism, a sign of vitality, and evidence that you are in
process. Sadly, unless you learn to use fear as empowerment, it can also
stop your progress.
First you need to distinguish
fear that protects from fear that restricts. When fear keeps you out of dark
alleys at two o'clock in the morning, listen to your inner voice. On the
other hand, fear of change, fear of moving closer to a dream, or fear of
something that you've always wanted, is negative and limiting.
Suppose you always wanted a
little country home. You've dreamed about the rooms, the yard, the picket
fence. One day you find your dream home and you think, "Omigod, now what?"
The thoughts that fly through your mind create fear, and you invent stories
to justify why you're afraid.
"I just can't give up my
friends and move away."
"I'll never sell my house."
"It's too small or too large for me."
"The commute will be too far."
"No one will visit me out there."
"It was only a dream anyway."
Take a fresh look at the
dream. Start by closing your eyes and reconnecting with the dream house.
Assume there are no limiting circumstances like the ones listed above, and
ask, "Is this the house of my dreams?" If the answer is "No," you can let it
go. If the answer is "Yes," then you can go for it.
Whether or not a given
situation will conclude as you believe it will, all that matters is the
meaning you give to the outcome. Will a negative result mean that you're a
failure and that you shouldn't go for your dream, or will you be able to
accept the outcome, whatever it is? Accepting the consequences, good or bad,
will free you; take a risk, but be aware that things sometimes turn out
differently than you expected. Facing your fear enables you to deal with it.
If one plan doesn't work out, develop another; confronting your fear is
empowering.
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