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Question:
I've been doing online dating for a while and I’ve noticed that
many men do not want to talk on the phone before meeting for a
first date. I often email these men and I usually am the one
that has to bring up having a phone conversation. Right now,
there is a guy that asked me out for later this week but he has
yet to call me even though I gave him my number. Is this normal?
I usually like to talk on the phone at least once before
meeting.
Answer:
I applaud you for sticking with online dating despite some of
its strange quirks. I can see why you are pretty frustrated with
these men who want to avoid phone calls before dates. I also
preferred to speak to a guy on the phone before devoting an
evening out to him. The phone allows you to further evaluate
whether a potential date has a good personality and is
trustworthy.
Did you specifically ask this particular man to call you and
tell him you do not feel comfortable going out with someone
before first talking on the phone? Have you accepted a date with
him? If you were clear with him about why you wanted to speak on
the phone and he hasn’t called you, I would think twice before
taking the time to meet him. If you did accept the date or
weren’t clear why you wanted to speak on the phone, you should
have been clearer with him. He may not have called yet because
he works very late and it isn’t logistically possible. However,
if he wants you to devote time to getting to know him, he should
find ways to devote time to getting to know you.
I have found that many men do not like talking on the phone,
especially when first impressions are being made. You are quite
right that you can get a good sense of someone over the phone.
However, the phone may make many nervous, especially those who
might be shy or not that “smooth” and they may prefer avoiding
the pressure of talking on the phone before meeting in person.
That said, you are well within your rights to want to speak to
someone before you meet—and I think you’re very wise to insist
on it. Just make sure that you give your number explicitly for
that purpose. If you’ve made it clear that you really want to
have a phone conversation, and he doesn’t call you, you should
feel perfectly free to tell him that you’re not interested in
meeting him, as he is not willing to respect your needs and
invest time in getting to know you and making you feel
comfortable.
Good luck.
Best wishes,
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