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Question:
I met a great guy online a few weeks ago. Our first date lasted
over 5 hours and there was definite chemistry from the start. We
have been seeing each other several times a week. He is divorced
and has a young son who I’ve met.
I
feel very comfortable when I am with him, but I’m not sure I
want to date someone who already has a child. What should I do
before I get in too deep?
Answer:
I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself in such a challenging
situation. You seem so genuinely enthusiastic about this man
that it would be a shame to throw it away just because you are
now getting scared about the fact that he has a child. Did he
list that he has a child in his profile? If you knew he had a
child and are so adverse to it, why did you go out with him? I
ask you these questions so you can assess your actions and try
to figure out if it’s more important for you to meet a man that
has no children or to find a wonderful man and deal with all of
the things that come along with him.
I suggest you further evaluate your feelings on this situation
and then have an honest discussion with this man as soon as
possible. Tell him that you have reservations about getting
involved further with a man who has children. One suggestion to
him might be to slow down the pace of your relationship. It
sounds like you jumped into things very quickly with him,
spending a lot of time with him. If you can spend more time with
him outside of his home environment you can decide how
interested you are in him, taking the child out of the equation.
That said, this man may not have the means or the time to see
you without his son being around and he also might be very hurt
when you tell him that you are apprehensive about his child. If
you decide that you do not want to be a role model to this child
and an active participant in his life, then I suggest that you
end the relationship. Your actions have consequences not only
for this man but also for his son.
Please let me know how it works out for you and if you need
further guidance as you work through this dilemma.
Good luck.
Best wishes,
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