 By Nancy Fagan, Author of "The
Complete Idiot's Guide To Romance"
Many men and women find
themselves falling into patterns of getting involved with the “wrong”
kind of partner. This may prove to be frustrating, resulting in a
helpless feeling. The question “Why?” is often asked. “Why do I keep
getting involved with the same kind of men/women?” Well, let me tell
you. It is because you aren't looking for early warning signs that
signal you to get away. It might also mean that you are unaware of the
warning signs but rationalize their potential ramifications. Be that
as it may, you are attracted to that “bad” trait or traits in
men/women. Consequently, those characteristics lead to unhealthy
relationships.
The only way to avoid repeating harmful patterns is to be able to
recognize the adverse signs early on. The earlier you see the signs,
the easier it is to avoid getting hurt emotionally. Change is not
comfortable. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you will have
to learn to be attracted to a different type of person. To do this,
you need to make slight changes. The easiest is to redirect your first
conversations with people you find attractive. These conversations
should take on a purpose of screening for unwanted traits.
When a woman, for instance, gets caught up in conversation with an
attractive man, it's easy to get lost in his voice, eyes, touch, and
so on. Before you know it, the conversation meanders without a focus
and you have no idea if he shares similar bad traits as your ex. But,
you don't have to let this happen.
You can set your goal to unveil the man's “crucial topics” (issues
that broke your previous relationship(s)). For instance, if your ex
was an alcoholic, keep an eye out for how much he drinks and how
important alcohol is in his life. The key is to be casual and not make
it sound like you're interrogating him. Keep in mind that he will have
no idea what you are thinking, only that you are having light
conversation.
I'm sure you have the idea: make a point of finding the signs of the
relationships that have impacted your past relationships negatively.
Regardless of how attracted you are to a man, don't rationalize the
red flags waving in front of your eyes. Making excuses for these will
lend itself to the same results you had with the last man—a bad
relationship.
© Copyright 2004 Nancy
Fagan - Published with permission
Nancy Murphy, M.S.
www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com
11622 El Camino Real, Suite 100
San Diego, CA 92130 (in Carmel Valley)
nancymurphy1@mac.com
(858) 764-2545
Author Info:
Nancy Fagan, M.S., best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several
hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman &
Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in
the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the
nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's
Day, Family Circle,Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others.
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