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Expert Love Advice: How Can I Keep Her?

Woman HuntBy Nancy Fagan, Author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Romance"

Q: I have been in a relationship for one year with a woman I love deeply. Everything was fine until she told me that she loves me but she doesn't have a love spark. Actually, she has never had one but hoped it would happen. Now she's confused. On one hand she doesn't want to leave me and on the other, she is no longer happy in our relationship.

A: Love is about a special bond you share with someone. It is not about fireworks or excitement. Other than having a sexual attraction for that person, the actual feeling of love is no different than people have with others in their lives—parents, sibling, and so on. Often, people have unrealistic expectations about what love is, therefore, they don't see it when they actually have it.

Sometimes, the way someone first recognizes love is after it is gone. When there is love, losing it brings on deep levels of grief. With this said, perhaps you should encourage her to spend some time alone and see how she feels. During this time, agree to a certain period of time—two weeks to one month—where you will not have contact whatsoever. My guess is, in your absence, she will realize all you are to her and eagerly declare a new-found love for you.

Using Music to Draw Out Romance

by Nancy Fagan, M.S.,

“I love you; you love me; we're a happy family ….” Do you remember that song from childhood? You may even recognize it as the popular song Barney sings. Through music we explore and learn about myths, ideals, and the parameters of love.

With each year, our understanding of what we hear and feel in music deepens, especially as we begin to experience love. We hear thoughts similar to ours being sung on the radio. We listen with curiosity and hope of happy endings or perhaps guidance to help us. We learn that music intensifies our feelings, triggers emotions, and binds memories forever to songs that are associated with our love lives. We learn that music is our friend and our teacher. Because of this, music has attained a central importance in the world of romance and romantic relationships.

Musical Inspiration

Music can inspire or influence romance in so many ways. It's hard for music not to inspire; it stirs the emotions when singers sing about love's emotional extremes. When you hear a song that says, “I'm in the mood for love simply because you're near me,” it's hard to resist having an emotional reaction to what you hear. Music facilitates romance between you and your partner by moving both the intellect and emotions.

Music: A Course in Love

Now that you know how music can naturally foster romance, the following tips will help you to use music in your own relationship to increase romance between you and your partner:

* If you are out and about doing something with your partner and you hear your partner say, “Wow, I love that song,” don't just let the moment pass. Find out what the song is and buy it. Add it to your romantic collection.
* If you attend a Broadway show or a romantic film that moves you emotionally, buy the soundtrack. This way, you'll be able to bring back the intense emotions
* you experienced again and again with your partner.
*Jump at the chance to dance together when music moves you.
Going to concerts—especially by singers well known for romantic ballads— can put you in the middle of emotional moments that are bigger than life.

© Copyright 2004 Nancy Fagan - Published with permission

Nancy Murphy, M.S.

11622 El Camino Real, Suite 100
San Diego, CA 92130 (in Carmel Valley)
(858) 764-2545

Author Info:

Nancy Fagan, M.S., best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle,Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others.

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