By Nancy Fagan, Author of "The
Complete Idiot's Guide To Romance"
Loneliness comes from
being alone, not from being single. As a matter of fact, people in
relationships experience loneliness as often as anyone else.
The very definition of
this word according to Webster's dictionary is, "cut off from others,
sad from being alone, a feeling of desolateness."
Loneliness is a powerful human emotion that is built into us for a
reason-people are meant to be together.
Without this emotion, what
would propel people to maintain friendships, family, and intimate
relationships? Not much.
Loneliness can also signal a time of change in your life-in and/or
outside your relationship or within yourself and your life.
It may indicate that your
emotional needs are not being met by the people in your life,
therefore, it's time for you to expand your pool of friends.
Keep a chart of when you feel you're most
lonely.
Common times are evenings and weekends.
Make a pact with yourself to get out o the house during those ties. Go
to public places where people congregate: parks, church, libraries,
bookstores, shopping areas.
Join organizations or volunteer. There
are so many things you can do to feel needed and to be needed. It's up
to you to take the first step and make it happen.
QUESTION ONE
My Fits Drove him Away
Q: I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 ˝ years. During this
time, I have experienced bouts of temper with this man—I’m the one who
yells and acts like a spoiled child, not him. He is a good person,
gives me everything I need and tells me he loves me at least twice a
day. Sadly, he’s had enough and asked me to move out. How do I deal
with the guilt, get over him and move on?
A: Your focus needs adjustment. Rather than direct your concern
away from how to “get over him” or “moving on,” it needs to turn
toward the reason the relationship is ending—your uncontrolled fits.
The end of this relationship will not put a stop to your behavior.
Just the opposite, it will escalate with time, destroying future
relationships. Because of this, you need to explore what motivates
your immature expressions.
Gaining insight is one thing, but applying change to your well-oiled
behavior will require you to stretch yourself—to fight the urge and go
against what feels natural. People’s behaviors, both good and bad, are
learned. And...what is learned can be unlearned.
QUESTION TWO
My First and Last One Night Stand
Q: I took off a full year from the single’s scene to get myself
together after a break up with a man I was deeply in love with. To
jumpstart the process, I went to a club last week and met a wonderful
man. We really connected and I ended up going home with him that
night. Now I regret that decision because he hasn't called me.
A: Regardless of how strong of a 'connection' you have with
someone new, it's ALWAYS a mistake to sleep together the first night
you meet. Surveys have shown that men who believe there is potential
for a long-term relationship with a woman will avoid having sex with
her too soon. On the other hand, men who push for sex up front, don’t
usually value the woman for more than what she offers sexually.
Unfortunately, you've learned a painful lesson. In this case,
regardless of how genuine his interest may have seemed, his real
intentions weren't!
Weeding out the 'relationship-potential” men from those who aren't is
a difficult part of dating. For this very reason, it’s best to delay
sexual intimacy until a relationship develops, despite the level of
sexual chemistry two people feel for each other. Playing it safe may
be a conservative approach, but the best one for your heart and soul.
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