By Nancy Fagan, Author of "The
Complete Idiot's Guide To Romance"
What are the qualities you
look for in a potential husband or wife?
Have you ever dated someone you were crazy about, yet wished you could
change one little thing about him or her? Have you reveled in the fact
that you and your sweetie had almost everything in common, yet you
still broke up? Just what is it that we really need to look for in
order to promote a successful future with someone?
Perhaps the best way to determine whether he or she is wedding-worthy
is to ask yourself a few questions. There are five basic elements that
you need to really look at before any relationship can progress
towards something truly successful. These elements are as follows:
emotional, sexual, intellectual, financial, and spiritual.
Take the emotional aspect of a person's makeup. This area includes a
person's psychological characteristics, emotional styles and
expressions. Perspective on the world, level of self-esteem,
confidence, intimacy, ability to share, commit. Weaknesses, strengths,
respect of self and others, vanity, attitude. The list goes on...
Sexuality means different things to different people. For some, it
means the physical act itself, perhaps something wild, while for
others, romance and expression play an important part. A few traits to
keep in mind when looking for a partner might be level of interest,
romance, attraction, love, variations, response, monogamy,
communication, risk taking, playfulness, awareness of STDs, and
How a person thinks about the world he or she inhabits, and how they
interact day to day. Some people are casual and some thrive on being
type A personalities. A person's intellectual style influences would
include expression of ideas, level of education, sense of humor,
goals, skills, hobbies, mistakes, conversation and learning styles,
interest and quickness of thought.
Money affects everyone. How one treats it tells much about him or her,
and can make the difference between a comfortable life and a life of
living Hell, so it's important to be compatible in this area. Pay
attention to spending style, lifestyle, goals, retirement, savings and
ideas about money and debt in general.
Spiritually doesn't necessarily mean a person's religious orientation,
rather a basic belief system about life in general. A sense of self, a
reason for living. It includes beliefs about ethics, the importance of
religion, purpose of life, optimism, acceptance of others, integrity,
honesty, responsibility and social values.
Using the Core Elements to Make a Match
Whenever you are interested in someone, it's important to know her
views on each of the five components. The more areas of comparability,
the stronger the foundation of the relationship will be. People can
have differences, but it adds strain to a relationship. Observe and
communicate, and hopefully, you will be able to catch differences
early on, to avoid pain later.
© Copyright 2004 Nancy
Fagan - Published with permission
Nancy Murphy, M.S.
11622 El Camino Real, Suite 100
San Diego, CA 92130 (in Carmel Valley)
Nancy Fagan, M.S., best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several
hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman &
Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in
the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the
nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's
Day, Family Circle,Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others.
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