 By Nancy Fagan, Author of "The
Complete Idiot's Guide To Romance"
Good sex is much more
about attitude than technique. Sometimes the only adjustment needed is
a few exercises that improve the act of making love. Although the
practices below can be done alone, they are best practiced while
making love with your partner.
Touch and be Touched
The body is one big erogenous zone. Don't focus your touching
exclusively on the genitals, breasts, or buttocks. Let your hands
explore the more neglected areas for a greater impact on lovemaking.
the feet, for instance, are highly sensitive to touch. To see how
powerful this rule can be, the next time you make love, agree to go 30
minutes without touching the sexual areas of the body.
Encourage Your Partner
To prevent worrying, "I'm taking too long" or "This won't work,"
partners should cheer each other on by using positive statements such
as, "I'm enjoying this, take as long as you want."
Be in the Moment
While making love, put ALL thoughts out of your head. Instead, focus
on the sensations of your five senses. When you catch your mind
drifting, bring it back.
Never Compare Lovers
You've learned your skills from your past, but your partner doesn't
need to hear about your schooling. Concentrate on mastering your
techniques with your current partner.
An Affair of the Heart, Mind, and
Soul
A romantic relationship is an
emotionally intimate bond between two people.
Such a relationship is best when it is with someone who knows you,
understands you, and accepts you. It is enhanced through talking
intimately about feelings, thoughts, and needs.
Sometimes when the qualities of a romantic
relationship are not met, one or
both partners seek them outside the relationship in an affair. An
affair can be as exhilarating as it is destructive to the
relationship. When a person in a relationship feels the temptation to
have an affair, it’s usually because the romance in the relationship
has stopped being important. Keep this thought in the back of your
mind as you search for ways to inject more romance into your
relationship.
Make Your Relationship an Affair to Remember
When you think of an affair, what comes to mind? Passion? Romance?
Attachment to another person? That’s exactly what an affair is;
however, the downside is that it is typically associated with a
limited duration, not to mention, causing a great deal of pain to your
primary partner. But, what if you could extend an affair and make it
an everyday and lifelong occasion with your partner? You can do it;
it’s just a matter of decision.
The way to make this happen is to turn
your relationship into an affair. The first step to doing this is to
know just exactly what needs are met by an affair: feeling desired,
being loved, feeling needed, sexual fulfillment, being understood,
close friendship, intellectual stimulation, feeling complete,
attachment, and being listened to.
Look over these characteristics and ask yourself which of these
qualities you provide for your partner. The ideal way to use this list
is to sit down with your partner and take turns putting this list in
order of which characteristics you feel the strongest, down to those
you feel the least.
When each of you has completed your list, compare notes with your
partner to see the order you put the characteristics in. Pay special
attention to the last few items because they will tell you the areas
that you need to work on with your partner. The goal of this exercise
is to identify the areas that are holding you back from having an
affair with your partner.
You can do the same with your partner. Look at the feeling that he put
on the bottom of the ranking list. Then ask him what he needs that
would help him get a stronger sense of that feeling. You’ll be
surprised at how this simple exercise will illuminate important
feelings that your partner has been experiencing. This exercise many
times reveals feelings that are new to both partners. When you are
able to strengthen your weak areas, your relationship will be the love
affair you always wanted.
© Copyright 2004 Nancy
Fagan - Published with permission
Nancy Murphy, M.S.
www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com
11622 El Camino Real, Suite 100
San Diego, CA 92130 (in Carmel Valley)
nancymurphy1@mac.com
(858) 764-2545
Author Info:
Nancy Fagan, M.S., best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several
hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman &
Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in
the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the
nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's
Day, Family Circle,Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others.
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