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 DATING TIP: Getting
Your Groove Back With Women
www.doubleyourdating.com
***QUESTION***
Hi Dave,
I've read your newsletter for a few months now and just recently got your
book which is fantastic. First off a little background here. I was married
for 11 years (I'm 33) and basically was either dating or married to same
person for 13 years. I have been divorced now for a few months, and was
actually separated for over a year before I got divorced. Having been out of
the dating scene for so long I was pretty much clueless (a lot has changed).
I've always been a very funny guy and cocky to an extent, but in many ways
what you would consider a "wuss". I've always considered myself a nice guy,
considerate, caring, etc. You know, how mother taught you to be. I've
realized that those qualities are great of course, but don't help a lot in
the dating scene. Once I started more of the cocky routine, it's been
amazing. Like I said, I've always been funny so I guess I have a head start
already.
Anyway, I've had some really "hot" dates in the past couple months with the
help of your book, but one of the biggest problems I have in getting dates
is the fact I have been divorced and have 4 kids. I don't consider this a
problem whatsoever, they're a huge part of my life, but I know the way women
think sometimes and view this as "baggage". Is there any advice you could
give me on how I can incorporate some of your philosophies and techniques
into over coming this persona of "baggage" and help me attract more women?
On a side note. This is a strange success story here (if you can consider it
that haha). Like I said before I was married, and she is a really beautiful
woman. Just for the hell of it I decided to start using the c&f routine on
her every chance I could (we still get along pretty good as "friends", btw).
I thought it would be good "practice". Anyway, last weekend I was over
dropping off my kids, and she says "JC". I said, "what?". I walk over to her
bedroom (where she was at) and she says out of the blue "get on the bed
now!" She was kidding and it threw me for a loop, but I just said "in your
dreams!" Shocked she said, "WHAT?" I replied with, "maybe in our next
lifetime". I then proceeded to end the conversation and leave quickly after
that (had a date haha). Two nights ago she calls me at home, and basically
asked me out. I said what the hell! So, we went out last night (kids were at
her sisters), and let's just say that after 3 years of not having sex with
her, I forgot what I was missing!!
So there's one for you, "how to get your ex wife in bed with you again!!"
LMAO In case you're wondering, no way no how, will I ever go back to that
relationship (but sex on the other hand..hell yes!). There's a different
kind of "success" story for you!
J.C.
David D. >>>MY COMMENTS:
In your email you point out something very, very, VERY interesting. You say:
"I've always considered myself a nice guy, considerate, caring, etc. You
know, how mother taught you to be. I've realized that those qualities are
great of course, but don't help a lot in the dating scene."
Well said.
It is SO important that guys understand the distinction between "dating
scene" and "long-term relationship scene" when it comes to women and
interacting with them. Many of the things that make a long-term relationship
great will KILL your chances INSTANTLY with a woman that you don't know.
I'll talk about this more in a moment. I think that as guys, most of us want
to do the right thing, treat others well, and live with integrity.
There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, but I think that most of us
know at a very deep level that treating others well, being honest, having
integrity, and living an authentic life leads to happiness... while being
dishonest, treating others poorly, putting our integrity aside for selfish
reasons, etc. leads to that constant, negative, dragging state of body and
mind.
The problem arises when we go out into the world to find a mate. It matters
not whether we're looking for a wife or a one-night stand...
As soon as we see a really
attractive woman, most of us guys become nervous, self conscious, and
insecure. We feel excitement and fear at the same time. The first impulse is
to approach and give compliments in a way that says "You are a beautiful
goddess, and I am a mere mortal man... Please, if you would, see your way
clear to give me a chance to show you how much I adore you."
If the goddess indulges us for a moment, the next impulse is usually to
provide gifts and food, and to show her what a great provider we are. Of
course, not every man experiences things in exactly the same way, but you
can probably empathize with what I'm saying.
Here's the deal:
I USED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS. I know EXACTLY what it's like to want a
woman's attention but not know how to get it... so I'd give compliments,
offer gifts and food, and try every other "nice" trick in the book.
I did this for a long time. Many years, in fact. I used this strategy long
enough to realize a few key things:
1) Approaching women this way doesn't usually work. They immediately sense
your insecurity, and mentally classify you as "average" and "like the other
10 guys that approached her today", etc.
2) ATTRACTION is a completely illogical process. ATTRACTION also isn't a
choice. ATTRACTION is a response to certain things... and it happens on it's
own.
3) Being a good guy is an important part of life. Treating others well and
always doing the right thing leads to things like: A) Liking yourself, B)
Happiness, C) Good friendships, etc.
4) Being a "nice guy" when it comes to women and dating, especially when it
is used enough to make you qualify as a WUSSY is a REALLY REALLY BAD idea.
5) There are certain techniques that can be learned which will help you get
past the initial meeting and dating period... and help you not only stand
out as a "not average" guy, but also create the magical emotion of
ATTRACTION inside women.
6) The great news is that you don't have to be ultra handsome, rich, or
famous to do it.
The gist of what I'm saying is that if you know how to create this
ATTRACTION inside of women, then you can overcome just about any "social
stigma" that might be attached to you (yes, even 4 kids!).
Some people get upset when they
read about my techniques... they don't like the idea of making fun of a
woman, busting her balls, being Cocky and Funny, etc. They just want to "be
themselves" and have a woman "like them for who they are".
Of course, these same guys ALMOST ALWAYS like to buy women flowers and
dinner, give compliments, accept manipulative behavior... and generally do
ALL KINDS OF THINGS that I consider "very manipulative" and "not-at-
all-being-yourself" kinds of behavior.
Go figure.
The point is that when you made the comment about the qualities that make up
"nice guy" don't really help you out when it comes to women and dating, you
REALLY hit the nail on the head. It's not that you have to be an
abusive-loser-jerk, but you must realize that there are certain qualities
that aren't what one might consider "nice-guyish" that PUSH THE ATTRACTION
BUTTONS inside of women.
These are the things like being Cocky and Funny, teasing women, busting on
them, and generally being a challenge.
If you decide that a woman you've met is "long term" relationship material,
then you can start doing the things that you'd do with someone who has
earned your respect and trust. It's at this point that doing "nice guy"
things makes more sense.
BUT WATCH OUT! Don't unexpectedly turn in to Mr.Wussy just because a woman
wants to have a relationship with you. Nothing can make a woman want to be
"just friends" faster...
No matter what you do, you still must maintain a balance. So to answer your
question about how to overcome the objection to four kids...
First, realize that the women you're meeting fall into roughly a few
categories:
1) Those that aren't interested at all, no matter what. Maybe they're gay,
happily married, not interested... or all of the above.
2) Those that are interested in being with you for some short term fun, but
aren't interested in a relationship at all.
3) Those that are interested in short term fun while they're single, but
would like to pursue a relationship if they meet a good match. Here we have
two sub- categories: A) Those that object to the four kids thing, and B)
Those that don't.
4) Those that are only interested in a long-term relationship. We also have
the sub-categories here... Those that object to the kids, and those that
don't.
My first question to YOU is: "Which type of woman are YOU looking for?"
Sounds to me like you're looking for a #3, option B... a woman who's
interested in some short-term fun, who would like to pursue a long-term
relationship if she meets a good match... and is open to the kids. (If
you're only looking for a woman who's after short term fun, then the kids
don't really matter. Just don't bring them up.)
My perspective: Date some women, and BLOW THEIR MINDS with the techniques
you've learned. Use the Cocky and Funny material... dial up the
ATTRACTION... if you get physical with them, make it UNFORGETTABLE.
My experience is that if a person is REALLY ATTRACTED to another person,
they'll put aside all obstacles in order to be with the object of their
desires.
Yes, this means 4 kids and an ex.
If I were you, I'd project the attitude that you're not interested in any
woman that can't adapt to the situation. Communicate that YOU'RE the one
doing the selecting, and it will cancel out a woman's objections before they
even arise. Think about it.
I know personally know guys that have gotten past "obstacles" that almost
seem IMPOSSIBLE to overcome...
Raise YOUR OWN standards, and you'll find that this has a magical effect on
the way women treat you.
If you're reading this right now, and you're in a situation in life where
you'd like to get back on track and start having more success with women and
dating, then it's time for you to take action.
Just sitting around HOPING that something will happen or that you'll "get
lucky" isn't going to do it. If you just WAIT for something to happen,
there's a VERY LIKELY chance that you'll either wind up ALONE for a VERY
long time... or you'll wind up with a woman that you don't really enjoy that
much.
It's up to you to actually take responsibility for this area of your life...
and to go get yourself an education on how to be successful with women and
dating.
The best place to do it?
My online eBook, then you need to do that
right now. You can download it now and be reading it within a few minutes.
Just go to:
www.doubleyourdating.com
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2007 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless. http://www.doubleyourdating.com
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