A number of months ago, I was out with a woman and we were watching some
fireworks by the Hudson River. The moment was intimate and romantic –
primetime for a kiss, or so I thought.
When I moved to kiss her, she moved her head back and giggled a bit.
Instead of getting flustered or angry, I just smiled, stroked her hair
and whispered “OK”.
I then kept the mood gentle and romantic by changing the subject
slightly and told a story about watching fireworks when I was a kid.
When it was time to leave, I took her by the hand and led her back to
the car. Instead of waiting until the end of the date for the kiss, I
paused underneath an old lamp to admire the view of the river one last
time. I pulled her into me, and this time, she was ready.
We shared a nice kiss, and then soon left to go home.
She told me later that the way I handled her “rejection” caused her to
feel more attracted and comfortable with me. She trusted me. Thus, I was
able to kiss her with no resistance on my second try.
To summarize, if she says “no”, don’t get discouraged, down or angry.
These negative emotions will blow your chances for anything in the
Just take it as information about how comfortable she is feeling with
you. Keep a positive frame of mind, and keep having fun with her. You
can use this moment as a way to show her that you are someone she can
trust, and that you can handle a challenge without loosing your cool.
Ultimately, if she continues saying “no”, guess what? She is probably
not interested, or not attracted to you. Probably best to cut your
losses then and move on.
Last but not least – “no” means “no” – it does not mean “if”, “and” or
“but” and certainly not “yes”. So, respect her wishes and comply.
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