Stop
Getting Dumped! Survival Guide By Lisa Daily
This
month's topic really struck a chord with lots of women -- Dating as
a size 12. The average American woman is a size 14, and the average
"plus size" model is a size 12 -- does anyone else think it's a
little strange that our "plus size" people are smaller than our
regular people? The good news? Guys love us in all sizes. I
interviewed one of my favorite authors of all time for this article,
Jennifer Weiner, author of Good in Bed, In Her Shoes and most
recently, The Guy Not Taken. She had plenty to say on the matter.
More below in this month's column.
There are a lot of
women getting romantic with the lights off. We're afraid our
stomachs pooch or jiggle too much, our butts are too big, our
breasts are too saggy, or not the right size (or not the same
size...)
Most women are insecure about their bodies, whether we're
overweight, underweight or damned near perfect. We obsess about our
shortcomings with excruciating detail. (Which always cracks me up,
because a hairy, overweight guy with a 4-inch member that leans to
the left would happily have sex with a gorgeous girl in the middle
of a stadium filled with people, without a second thought, if the
opportunity presented itself.)
We worry that a man, who has sprung for nine dinners, put the charm
on full blast and worked so hard for the last 17 days to get our
clothes off, will invariably be disappointed and wish we'd put them
back on when faced with our naked reality -- minus the push-up bra
and super-duper spandex tummy tourniquet.
So we leave the lights off. Hide under the covers. Avoid certain
positions because of the "jiggle factor." Instead of trusting he'll
find desire in the midst of our cellulite, our extra flesh, our
imperfections, we hope the darkness will camouflage our flaws and
leave him with the slimmer visual image we attempted to project when
we encase our insecurities in lycra and industrial-strength
undergarments.
And for every woman who is having nookie noir, there are lots of
others who are subsisting on carrot curls, Lean Cuisines and
never-ending bouts with an elliptical machine, feeling like they
won't be eligible for the grand prize of happiness, true love or the
really good deals on designer handbags until they hit their target
weight.
But as usual, we are hardest on ourselves.
One female dater says, "I'm a size 12 woman in the dating pool I do
think the majority of men are looking for smaller, perfect women to
date. The challenge is, quite frankly, that there are even fewer men
who could meet the same standards; so why should women starve
themselves, work out religiously and get plastic surgery when men
won't go to the same lengths? Once a man does give a women who is
size 12 or larger a chance, the man is usually happy with the way a
women looks. It is getting past that initial first impression and
expectation that is very difficult to overcome."
Who among us hasn't felt certain at one time or another that our
lives would surely improve significantly if only we could lose that
twenty pounds and slip into a pair of size six jeans?
Plus size models usually wear a size 12. And the average Canadian
and American woman wears a size 14. Does it strike anyone else as
strange that our "plus size" models are smaller than our real
people?
Jennifer Weiner, the best-selling author of Good in Bed, In Her
Shoes, and most recently, The Guy Not Taken says, "There are very
few representations in the media of 'everywoman.' We are living in
the age of the incredible shrinking starlet (Mary Kate and Ashley,
Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie.) With all these bony little actresses,
if you're a size 12 (or bigger) you have no one representing you in
the media. Ugly Betty is maybe a size 10."
"There's not a lot of diversity--it worries me as a woman, as a
mother -- not having larger women [in the media] that are leading
lives that include things other than dieting and despair."
My mom, the director of a nonprofit child development center, is
constantly on the lookout for African, Hispanic and Asian baby
dolls. She explains how important it is for self-esteem for kids to
have toys and icons that look like them. If they don't, kids can
grow up believing the way they look is wrong. And I often wonder if
the next generation will grow up without any clue about what real
breasts look like. If anemic, rich, blonde and busty is the standard
we hold ourselves to, how can any of us feel good about how we look?
Has fake become the new real?
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