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You Deserve More

Lisa Daily, Dream Girl and author of Stop Getting Dumped! Stop Getting Dumped! Survival Guide By Lisa Daily

Dear Lisa,
I have an interesting situation.

I know one of your mantras is to never sleep with a man on the first date. In the current relationship (if you can call it that) that I'm in, I did just that. Now it has digressed into something that is purely sexual. He invites me over, we hang out for a while, we have sex, sometimes I stay the night, sometimes I go home.

At one time told me he didn't want a relationship, then he said he did, just not with me. We kind of broke up, but then got back together... well, it just picked up at the same place.

My problem is, I want a real relationship with this man. And, I can tell from his reactions to me sometimes that he wants a relationship too. Then, sometimes he acts like it's all about sex.

Obviously, I started out in a bad way by not having your guidelines to follow. So, now that we are involved in this odd relationship, how do I turn it around and make him respect me and desire to be with me as his Dream Girl? Is there anything I can do now to change this rut I've gotten us into?

Wanting & Deserving More

Dear Wanting,
You're absolutely right, you do deserve more, but I doubt you're going to get it with this guy.

He's told you that he doesn't want a relationship, and chances are very, very good that he was telling you the truth. Most men aren’t lying when they say that. Quite frankly, however, he is a man, and like many men, he's not going to turn down a chance for some no-strings-attached sex when he knows it's available. And you've clearly shown him that with you- it is. He’s been completely upfront – he doesn’t want a relationship with you and he calls you when he wants sex. Not a movie date. Not a squash partner. Sex. And at this point he probably feels, judging by his statements and your actions, that a bed buddy situation is just fine and dandy with you.

Unfortunately, it’s going to be mighty hard to turn back the clock, go back and turn into his Dream Girl when he's put you in another category all together. You say you're in a odd relationship, and it may seem odd to you. But to him, there's probably nothing odd at all about inviting someone over, having sex with her, and then letting her go home with no effort on his part whatsoever. In fact, many men might consider that an excellent way to pass the time while they leave themselves wide open to find their true Dream Girl.

You say you want to turn things around and make him respect you. And you're right, that is the key to becoming a Dream Girl. Unfortunately, at this stage, the odds aren't in your favor. If you want him to change his perception of you, you’ll need to make a drastic change in your behavior. And I mean really change.

From now on, you’re not a booty call. No more sex. You're not free to just to come over whenever he wants. And, if he calls you've got plans. Even if it's only you, a gallon of Rocky Road and an old movie. Dream Girls always have something fabulous going on for themselves. Once he gets the message that things have changed, or more specifically, you've changed, he may or may not decide to pursue you. However, if he does, remember that you’re a Dream Girl. You don’t have to have sex with a guy to keep him around. You're no longer a girl who sleeps with guys on the first date – you’re someone with the confidence to know she's worth pursuing.

Best of luck and remember, if it doesn't work out with this guy, consider him a good learning experience on the road to find your Dream Guy.

Kisses, Lisa

About Lisa Daily:

Lisa Daily is the Dating & Relationships Expert on DAYTIME, a nationally-syndicated morning TV show, and the bestselling author of Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup (Jan 2009) and Fifteen Minutes of Shame (a novel.)

She is also also a syndicated dating columnist, and has been quoted in thousands of magazines and newspapers, from Cosmopolitan to the New York Times to Men’s Health and seen everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to MTV. Lisa also appeared as a real life “date doctor” in the HITCH movie DVD starring Will Smith.

© 2006-2008 Lisa Daily

Stop Getting Dumped by Lisa DailyDate Like A GrownupLisa Daily, Dream Girl and author of Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry 'The One' in 3 years or less. "This chick really knows what she's talking about!" --Howard Stern As seen on Sally, The Other Half and Cosmopolitan Magazine Available at and bookstores everywhere


Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry “The One” in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and The Sally Show Get our FREE Dating Tips newsletter - chock-full of man-snagging techniques, at


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