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Introduction:
The Basic Story
Welcome and thank you! You
have in your hands now, and maybe the first of its kind, some
information, that if studied, utilised effectively and efficiently, may
explain how we fall in love and/or attract the person we want over the
Internet. In this book, I shall mainly talk about falling in love, even
though the exact same principles apply to attracting the person we want.
This book is not so much a relationship book as much as it is an
explanation of how we fall in love over the Internet and how to use
these principles to attract to us someone that we want. Both falling in
love and having a long term relationship go hand in hand, as much of my
studies have proven, as we shall later see. If I may suggest, if you are
wanting to learn how to make relationships work successfully, please see
the end of this book at the Reference section and read the books and
listen to the courses I have added there.
Some people …. both connected, and not connected to the Internet do not
believe or understand that to fall in love with someone via a computer
screen is possible. This book will show that it is possible, easily,
partly through my own experience as well as knowing that of other
peoples, and seeing the same principles involved, and why it is much
easier to fall in love with someone over the Internet than the
conventional trial and error method of dating. If people in the days of
pen pals could fall in love with each other, where weeks between mail
used to be common, it should come as no surprise that this very same
situation can occur over the Internet …. especially since the delay in
communication isn’t present. Most communication over the Internet is in
present time, and not weeks old.
It was around March of 1998 that I decided to connect up to the
Internet. It was mainly a decision based upon wanting to look up topics
of interest to me, using web browsers, and as such, I had little initial
interest of getting onto chat channels.
After about a month, my curiosity got the better of me and went onto
some chat channels, not expecting or thinking that this would change my
life’s direction forever.
It was on one of these channels that I met, and soon after, fell in love
with Deb, and had a very intense and intimate love relationship, that
lasted for about 15 months. This relationship was thankfully the
catalyst for my divorce, and helped end a dying relationship to the
point that Linda (my ex-wife) and I, to mutually decide to let go of our
relationship, and go on our own separate ways.
It was during my relationship with Deb that I became interested in
studying relationships. I read books, attended personal development
seminars, and listened to a few home study courses. These have had an
immeasurable effect on me as my awareness, knowledge, and understanding
have increased dramatically.
Because of my past love relationship with Deb, I wish this book to be a
warning of what to look out for. Both of us had gone through a great
deal together, and my interest and willingness to be a friend is
different from before, because our friendship was one sided, and
therefore, our relationship has since stopped.
And it is because of my recent engagement, with a lovely lady named Alla,
who lives in the Ukraine, that I wish this book to be an example, of
what is possible for the future, if we have faith and trust, and do what
is best for us and the other person. I met Alla in August 1999 through
an online dating agency, and we began to exchange letters to each other
via e-mail, and soon after, I began to ring her on the telephone.
As you read this book, you may find some generalisations. You may relate
to some things and not others. I wish to ensure you that it is all okay,
because we all are so different. You may find yourself relating more to
some things and less to others, which is fine. None of us are 100% of
anything.
One other thing to consider as you are reading this book is that you may
see or find differences between yourself and your potential mate or
current partner. That too is fine. What I would like to emphasize is for
you to look deeper at the underlying emotions, and what you will
probably find is that the base emotions of both you and your partner are
the same. It is usually just a different method of achieving the same
feelings.
As a short example, Alla doesn’t like being asked many questions because
it makes her feel irritated. I on the other hand love to ask questions,
and not having them answered makes me feel frustrated. Alla likes to be
left alone so she can have her freedom. I like to receive my freedom by
knowing and understanding, through asking questions. Same emotion,
different method/vehicle/strategy.
There is a very common saying that states….
‘Perception is projection’
Or that,
‘All of life is a mirror.’
The example I just shared about Alla and myself is merely one such
example.
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Having said that, let’s see
what you’ll discover in the following chapters.
This book has been divided into 10 Chapters, for easy reference.
In Chapter 1, we talk in detail about love; what is love; the 4 main
levels of Consciousness; the 7 E’s of Love; the two driving forces of
all our behaviour; how emotion is passed on over the Internet; what
causes people to fall in love; what men and women look for and want from
each other; as well as the other 6 emotional needs we all have that need
to be fulfilled.
In Chapter 2, we define and talk about Neuro Linguistic Programming
(NLP) and give a brief history; how we filter and perceive our
experience; some basic presuppositions of NLP; and finally a short goal
setting workshop, for those who are wishing to attract their dream mate,
or improve their current relationship.
Chapter 3 explains how we use our 5 senses, called Modalities, to
experience our environment; what sub-modalities are and how they are the
bar-code to the meanings we take of the experiences we receive; the
connection between where we move our eyes to which of the five senses we
are accessing; and then how this is shown in our language, as well as
how it relates to Love.
In Chapter 4, we find the motivating forces behind someone’s behaviour,
known as our Values, and how obstacles may arise when these differ
between people. We discover in what direction they are going and if they
are moving towards or moving away from a situation; we define beliefs
and how they affect our lives, including the quality of our
relationships. Then we learn what Rules are, and how Rules are the
source of all our emotions, as well as how all conflicts between people
is a Rules conflict. And at the end of the chapter, we talk about the 5
Love Strategies. Once we know our mates love strategy, we can ignite
that emotion in them at any time we please, which is exciting.
Chapter 5 deals in great detail about different language patterns. We
learn how some words are more useful than others in creating a
connection with someone. We discover hypnotic language patterns and what
trance is. We learn about how we think and communicate in different
levels ranging from general to specific and how this relates to
communication in relationships. And much more.
In Chapter 6, we talk about Anchoring and Conditioning and how this is
useful in relationships in terms of positive emotions.
In Chapter 7, we deal with the frames we put around our experience and
how by altering the frame can widen our perception and understanding as
well as allow us to feel more positive. We talk about Content and
Context reframes and how to use them effectively.
Chapter 8 is probably one of the main topics of this book, which is
Rapport. We see what rapport is; how to establish it, and how to know
when we have achieved it. Then we briefly talk about time lines and how
it helps shape our personality and character. And then we finally share
about the Content filters we use, and how all this relates to gaining
rapport with someone.
Chapter 9 briefly explains about humour and other emotions and how it
relates to relationships.
And in Chapter 10, we find out what to do and how to begin with what we
have learnt. You will see what I did with Alla to feel connected with
me, and how you may do the same with your partner, using a step by step
procedure.
It is with the greatest pleasure that the time has come for human kind
to learn more about themselves and to be able to share this with others,
so that they may make the necessary decisions based on their experience
in order to create more peace and love on the planet. If there is even
one small sentence in this book that makes sense to you, and by its use,
empowers your life, then I will feel satisfied that the purpose of
writing this book has been accomplished.
Thanking you in advance for taking the time, and may you find many
interesting things to think about, and may you find, and Be the Love you
always desired.
With Love
Ernie Rohrbacher MASC (NLP)
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