My ex says she doesn't love me anymore
First of all, you don’t really know that your ex is not still in love with you, too. Your ex may have claimed to not love you anymore, and what's possible is that he/she says they don't love you out of hurt, anger and spite.
So it’s also possible that he or she still harbors feelings for you. Many couples who still love each other very much break up for other reasons. A breakup does not signal the end of love between many couples
If you can honestly say, I’m still in love my ex, there’s a good chance your ex might still love you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to try to get back together right away. You broke up for a reason. Even if you didn’t want to break up and the break off was entirely your ex’s doing, really think hard about things. What changed during your relationship?
It’s rare that a person can’t think back and see reasons why the break-up might actually be for the best. It isn’t always easy right at first when you’re still in so much pain from the break-up, but with time you’ll probably see that the break-up might even be good for you, a time for renewed growth as a person.
If the break-up was mutual and now you’re having a hard time because you feel “I’m still in love, my ex should be here with me,” then it’s even more important that you examine why you agreed to the break-up in the first place.
Yes, there is a chance that a mutual split was a mistake. But if you’ll really look back at the reasons you both had for calling a halt to the relationship, you might find that’s better to love your ex from afar and work through the sadness rather than try to rekindle the romance.
And then there's the: “I’m still in love; my ex even wants to get back together.” scenario.
While this might make you feel very hopeful and happy that the two of you might be able to work things out and live happily ever after, don’t be fooled into thinking that it will be easy. The change from a relationship, to breakup and to relationship again has old wounds that need healing before real happiness together can be attained.
The reasons you broke up are still there. If you get back together, what will change? Your relationship might go along well for a while because you’re both so happy to be back together but the bumps and conflicts still exist.
If you broke up thinking, I’m still in love my ex, and he or she thought the same so you got back together, you’ll go through a honeymoon period just as you did when you were a new couple. You’ll both feel like you saved the relationship and kept each other from making a horrible mistake. But that feel-good honeymoon period will wear off eventually. And then what will you do?
How are you going to prevent the problems that caused you to break up in the first place from coming back and making you want to part ways again? Couples counseling is a good option. If you think, “I’m still in love my ex and want him or her back,” then consider counseling to keep old problems from splitting you up again later.
There are also self-study books available to help your
relationship heal, to help you grow as a mature person in a
confident, trusting relationship again.
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