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Read and learn my friend!
On your audio series, you talk about getting past the fluff and "talk to that other part of the woman" How do you do that? I answer ads on the personals, and I keep thinking that my dialogue with these women is all wrong.
I know you gotta be C&F, but sometimes there's not much to go on from an
online profile. Here's an example from a girl that lives in my neighborhood:
"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with. I enjoy traveling, working out, yoga, music, and dining out in NYC. I am playful and fun and have a lot to offer the right man. I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship. I am genuine, kind and compassionate and I am looking for the same in a man.
My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor".
I can't think of anything cocky to say to this...or how to communicate that I'm a sexually aware man. I'm not really sure what you mean by sexually aware anyway, unless you mean sexually successful...like when you know you're hot and women want you.
So, can you help me understand how you'd respond to an ad like this?
David D. >>>MY COMMENTS
OK, first of all, I recommend that you go back through the CD Audio Program, and pay attention to the workbook that came with it. I actually included a sample "cut and paste" type of answer for personal ads that works very well. In fact, when I originally published it in one of these dating tips newsletters, I had literally dozens and dozens of guys from all around the world who wrote in saying that they cut and pasted it and sent it out in response to women's personal ads... and had fabulous response.
Now, let me address a few of your comments...
To summarize what I think about your situation, I'd say that you probably need to keep reviewing the material that you have, and keep practicing. If you have little experience with women, then you have almost no frame of reference for what I'm talking about in general, and until you start DOING more, you just won't "get it" as well.
As far as responding to a woman's online personal ad...
Remember, women who run personal ads are getting TONS of responses.
If you're going to play the personals, stay current with them, and contact women as soon as they place their ad. This way you'll be one of the first to start a conversation with her... as opposed to the 497th guy. At some point, the hundreds of men who are responding to a woman's personal ad all run together into a big lump of desperate men. So be first if you can.
Second, forget about trying to respond to a woman's personal ad by reading it, thinking about it, considering what she's looking for, and then responding in a way that she will find interesting.
No no no!
The ad you sent in above could have been run by any woman in any part of the world... it might as well be a generic ad template for women. The one thing this ad DOESN'T mention (and the one thing that NO female personal ads EVER mention) is what makes this woman feel ATTRACTION for a man.
Think about it for a minute...
This woman sat down one night at her computer, and said to herself "I'm tired of the dating game. Maybe if I put a personal ad online and describe the kind of guy I'm looking for, Prince Charming will find me and we'll live happily ever after".
Can't you just FEEL it in her words?
"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a
best friend and that I can laugh with..."
"I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship..."
And the whole last paragraph is priceless...
"My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor..."
So what do most guys do when they read an ad like this one?
Of course... they write back something like:
"Hi, I'm a nice attractive SWM who has a sense of humor, high morals, is honest, and also believes that a good friendship is the foundation for a great relationship."
Someone bring me a bucket, because I'm gonna PUKE.
Look, when a woman is writing a PERSONAL ad, she's usually at a point in her life where she's lonely... and has often lost hope of finding a long-term companion in the real world. OF COURSE she's going to write all this sappy stuff. But that doesn't change ANYTHING about what is going to get her attention and make her feel ATTRACTION.
Again, my gut tells me that you're trying to figure out how to answer this kind of personal ad with a WUSSY response that will make her love you. Don't. And to address your question of how to communicate that you're a confident, sexually aware man...
You do this by NOT trying to please her, say what she wants to hear, and kiss up to her. It sounds to me like you need to spend more time studying the materials you have, practicing your Cocky & Funny skills, and making your personality more interesting...and less time chasing women who are looking for an open, honest, Yoga-loving husband via the personal ads.
Use the materials you have! Practice!
Get online with an instant messaging service and work on your Cocky & Funny. Copy and paste the personal ad response in your Advanced CD Series and use it to answer personal ads. Until you're REALLY good at engineering, quit trying to reinvent the wheel.
I've noticed that on your newsletters or e-book you haven't commented on hypnotic language which some guys use to seduce women. Is it worth looking into or is it more work than its worth? What is your opinion on this subject? I know that with your vast amount of knowledge, you have a worthwhile opinion in this area.
I've tried all this stuff... and, in fact, I know quite a bit about the topic of "hypnosis". I was fascinated by it several years ago... and, for certain things, it seems to be of great use.
But if you try it you'll find, just as I did, that it's a very INDIRECT way to accomplish your objective, it's very abnormal, and it feels sneaky. Once you understand that you can actually cause women to feel ATTRACTION for you by just cultivating certain natural personality traits like confidence and humor, all else becomes irrelevant.
I know a lot of guys who are successful with women, and the general consensus is that you MUST get your inner game together FIRST. You must understand how and why women are attracted to men FIRST. Then, you must cultivate the ability to make women feel that ATTRACTION for you with just your communication and body language.
Once you learn this skill, you can use ANYTHING and it will work. In other words, once you're good at meeting women, you can use juggling fire to meet women... and it will work.
But if you DON'T "get it" and understand what makes women feel ATTRACTION for men, then no amount of tricks, hypnosis, or standing on your head is going to make a damn bit of difference.
I don't think that most guys want to have to "seduce" women. I think that most guys want women to feel ATTRACTION for them.
Here's a definition for "seduction":
"The act of seducing; enticement to wrong doing; specifically, the offense of inducing a woman to consent to unlawful sexual intercourse, by enticements which overcome her scruples; the wrong or crime of persuading a woman to surrender her chastity."
Techniques to "seduce" women make your stomach feel strange... because they're usually dishonest or sneaky. And techniques to seduce women that involve using things like hypnosis and other covert mind-control not only make your stomach turn when you use them, but they also don't WORK as well as the things I'm teaching you.
To my mate, Dave.
The main question I want to ask is in regards to going out by myself. I walk inside a club or a bar and I always get asked the same old question .."Who are you here with". I typically answer by myself. This causes uncertainty and I feel that I am telling the lady ' Ohh, well I am lonely' (Note that the same happens with guys & mind you, I am straight). The answer, by myself is honest but triggers a negative outcome, so what do I say?
For some silly reason I get the impression that the other person is thinking to themselves, "ohh, the poor thing".
I tend to prefer to go out by myself since there are times that I have to do extra favours and more things to get accepted with my mates and also they are a lot of times when they act just plain negative which as an old Greek proverb says "Show me your mates so I can see who you are" (if you know what I mean). So, for the last few years I have made a stance that I will do things independently and work out things by myself and that I don't need others. Note that this can become an extremely long story so I will get back to the topic.
One very bad thought I have, is if a women sees a guy approach her by himself, she automatically thinks, ok, this guy has no social life, he is lonely and he must be desperate, so quickly what do I do to turn him off. Look, your advice on the CD does help but I personally think that a lot of this stuff takes time and effort and should not be looked as a quick aspirin cure.
PLEASE!!!! tell me the following questions:-
- If a guy or a girl asks me "who am I here with" what is a good answer?
- Is it natural for a guy to go out by himself? (i.e are there other guys who do the same?)
Awaiting your response.
Wow, these are great questions...
I think you've hit on a couple of topics that are MAJOR issues for a lot of men. I know that they were for me in the not-too-distant past.
OK, to answer your question about what to do if a woman asks "who are you here with?"...
It's time for Dr. Dave The Mind Reading Dating Psychologist to make an appearance...
I'm going to make a few guesses about what's going through your mind. Hell,
since I'm making some guesses, let's just wrap up both of your questions
"Is it cool to go out alone, and what should I do if I'm out along and a woman asks me who I'm with?" My first guess is that you're feeling self-conscious about the idea of being alone.
"One very bad thought I have, is if a woman sees a guy approach her by himself, she automatically thinks, ok, this guy has no social life, he is lonely and he must be desperate, so quickly what do I do to turn him off."
It's obvious that you have all kinds of insecurity issues here, and they're really messing with your mind. The next guess I have is that you're still stuck in the mindset of "pleasing women" and "saying what they want to hear". At some level, you're asking me what to say to a woman who DISAPPROVES of the idea that you're out alone.
Are you with me here?
Here are a few pointers for you:
1) What other people think of you is the last thing you should be thinking about.
Now, don't take this to mean that you should never change your underwear or brush your teeth, because it doesn't matter what other think. That's not what I'm saying.
What I AM saying is that if you go out alone, and you meet a woman who thinks you're a TOTAL LOSER for not being out with friends, it shouldn't matter to you. You're not looking for THAT woman.
2) Going out alone is great.
I used to be VERY uptight about the idea of going out alone. It took me quite awhile before I was really comfortable with the idea.
And when women would ask me about it, I'd try to figure out some good excuse to give them... or way to explain it so I didn't appear to be a loser. Well guess what I've learned since?
Most of the guys I know who are AMAZING with women go out alone often.
In fact, if you really think about it, a guy who has the confidence to go out alone, KNOWING that he's going to meet a woman that he enjoys... and is keeping his options open, so if he chooses to go home with her, etc. he can... is amazing. That takes balls.
3) When a woman asks you "Who are you here with?" you have a few basic options.
-You can answer her directly ("I'm here alone")
-You can lie ("My friends will be here soon")
-You can turn the question around (read on)
Now, if you answer directly and say "I'm here alone" in a weak, tentative, self conscious, insecure voice, you're going to look like a Wuss Bag loser. Women aren't attracted to men who feel like losers. And answering questions directly is usually uninteresting.
You can also lie.
A lot of guys lie about things... from what they do to what they think of a woman... to how much they make. Lying is a trap, because it makes you feel bad, AND it screws up your mind. I don't recommend it.
But there is another way! And it's my favorite (of course).
TURN THE QUESTION AROUND.
If you remember that women are CONSTANTLY testing you when you interact with them, and you are always looking for places and ways to demonstrate your Cocky & Funny wit, you'll see incredible opportunity in situations like this.
She asks "Who are you here with?"
You answer "I'm here with you" <sly smile>.
She smiles, laughs a little, and says "OK, seriously... who are you here with?"
You answer "Look, I only know you a few minutes and already you're trying to meet my friends? By the end of the week you're going to be over at my mom's house talking about our wedding. Slow down!"
Now what's going on here?
What you're subtly saying is "It doesn't matter who I'm here with... and by the way, If I am here by myself, I'm not at all insecure about it..." Guys ask me all the time how to deal with questions and challenges from women.
You don't have to.
Just be charming, funny, and difficult. It works much better, and it's a hell of a lot more fun for you and her.
Hey Dave you are right the C & F seem to work but I wanna ask you
something...how often are you supposed to be c & f? I mean, are yu supposed
to sprinkle it in during a normal convo or should yu use it moderately or at
every single thing she says? I ask b/c id like to hold a normal convo also &
in your opinion what would be best? I'm interested in your opinion on this.
The more you use it, the more you'll get a feel for how much to use Cocky & Funny. Use it a LOT in the beginning, on the first outing for a cup of tea, during the first dates, etc.
The exception is if you don't have a lot of time, and you want to get a woman's number/email fast. In that case, use the 3 minute technique in Double Your Dating, and as described in a past newsletter that you've probably read. In those cases, it takes too much time.
Also, as you get to know a woman, you'll have more and more "normal"
Never stop being Cocky & Funny, unpredictable, etc. But you can ease up a little as you get to know a woman better. Use it... and you'll get it.
You are absolutely, positively the man.... I always thought to myself, there should be more literature on the subject of "Meeting Beautiful Chicks." Your ebook is the answer...You can go to a bookstore and get all types of how-to books on things that exist in the physical world, i.e., fixing a car, etc. But never about things that exist in the mental world, at least not for the things that matter such as picking up chicks.... Like I said before your ebook is the answer! I suggest anyone reading this email that has not picked up at least the ebook, to DO IT NOW!! Its worth it dude.... Trust me...
Since reading the ebook and making minimal changes in my game... I have been able to consistently pick up at least one chick per week, but I need the Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD series to really get my game on point... I think that will assist with picking up the 9's and 10's... not just the 6's and 7's. I'll be picking that up next week to move to the next level!!
In the meantime here's my reflection and a question that should be helpful to others once answered.
Here's my story.
I'm a 30-Year-old African American Male, who was voted best looking in High School, and I make over 100K/year.... So I generally do not have that hard of a time initially meeting women... But would always screw it up with the women that I really found interesting... I was being a wuss...
I'd meet multiple women in a night out with the boys...There would be the one's that I really liked... The 9+'s, and the one's that I kinda liked, but was not too excited about... The 6's and 7's. The way I approached the 9+ was all wussie...and I usually never even got the phone number, but if I did, I would immediately try to make her like me, be a general pain in the ass, calling all the time, etc. And not get anywhere past an initial phone conversation.
The way that I approached the 7 was different because I did not feel intimidated by her...and most importantly could kinda care less if I spoke to her or not... I usually had no fear of telling a joke, or busting on her... The result being that she sensed the confidence and really liked me...If it progressed any further she would always reach out to me.... calling all the time, and be a general pain in the ass...
So my question is this:
How can I make the same response happen with women that I am interested in? The hot, intelligent, 9's and 10's...The ebook has helped tremendously, but I'm not there yet..
Is there some mental trick that I can play so that I act the same way with all women (cock/funny), Not just 6's and 7's???? Your help is much appreciated, and much success my friend you deserve it!!
Well, you're certainly on the right track...
By the way, congratulations on getting up to speed and being able to meet one woman every week. For a lot of guys, that's like saying you can levitate into the air and fly. Keep it up, you're getting close!
As for the REALLY attractive women, there are a few things you need to keep
1) These women are approached A LOT. And I mean ALL THE TIME. The real hotties of the world are so used to being approached by men that they should all be given honorary black belts in Wuss Detection And Deflection.
Super hot women have a lot of choice when it comes to men, so they choose the best they can get. If your game isn't REALLY together, you'll do little things when you're interacting with these women that will clue them in to the fact that you don't really know how to play on their level.
And I'm talking LITTLE things.
Remember, these women are approached all the time by men, and they have learned to make very quick decisions based on very little information. A little comment, a certain look, or a little gesture that hints to her that you want her approval is all it takes.
You're doing fine... you'll get it soon enough. Just stick with it. You're asking me how to meet the kinds of women that most men would sell their mom into slavery for one date with. You're on the right track, and the more you practice and improve, the more success you'll have.
Hello Dave, my question is has follows: What your opinion on women that work has exotic dancers? I've generally heard that they have some type of issue where they feel they need to dominate/control men, now obviously we can't stereotype all of them, but generally speaking what's the scoop on these types of women? A response would be appreciated.
BUST THEIR BALLS!
Dancers are notorious for dating brutish, abusive, loser guys who have no life... Dancers usually have all kinds of issues... Dancers are used to men kissing up to them and giving them money just to look at them...
BUST THEIR BALLS!
Tell them they're the most successful sex change you've seen lately. Ask them what they're going to be when they grow up. Don't look at them while they're dancing. If you play their game, you become another one of the hundreds of dumb-ass guys that they take money from. If you completely avoid their game and instead play your own, you will stand out. This is where EXTREME ball busting and Cocky & Funny are most useful.
Be careful what you wish for.
You are looking for trouble if you don't know how to handle powerful women. If you're not careful, you're going to email me next week saying "Wow, that ball busting stuff really works with dancers. The only problem is that she stole my car and all my money, and now her drug dealer is calling me all the time to find out where she is..."
If you want a first-class ticket to a Quentin Tarantino movie, start dating a lot of dancers. And no, I'm not talking Jackie Brown kind of freaky, I'm talking FOUR ROOMS kind of freaky. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Dear Dave, I have been reading your newsletter for about a year now and it works great!! True genius!!! I have always been cocky and funny even before knowing what c&f was, you just helped me realize exactly why I was succeeding with women. There is this girl who is probably a 9-10, but has had a boyfriend for some time now. I have been cocky and funny with her since the day i met her (btw shes a bartender) and she really seems to respond to it. She poured me a drink once and after I tasted it I said to her "whoa this is really strong, are you trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me," and she responded by saying "oh yea baby" and smiled at me and rubbed my arm. My question is as follows: I really want this girl and she seems to respond to my cocky and funny routine, in fact I think she likes me, but what do I do about the boyfriend situation?? What are the odds I can actually end up with this chick??
OK, so what you're trying to tell me is that the only attractive woman in ORLANDO, FLORIDA is a bartender with a long term boyfriend? Hey, good idea...since there are only about a million or so single women in your area, why not pick one who's already seeing someone?
If a woman has a boyfriend, just walk away, man. Every month or two, when you're ordering a drink from her, say "Hey, are you still married?" This is funny, because you're busting on her and at the same time asking if she's still with her BF.
At some point she'll probably say "No, I just dumped him". Most relationships end, so stay in touch. And in the meantime, do something productive with your time... like dating some of the single women in your area who don't have boyfriends that are probably the jealous 6'6" 250 pound meathead bouncer at the bar who likes to beat up guys for fun.
All I can tell you is, the guys without money (some of whom are naturally
cocky and funny) get no women; the guys with money, whether they're ugly,
fat, or dull have the women pursuing them. That's reality-- I've seen it
happen so many times that it's become a standing joke among all the single
guys I know! Around here (Chicago), a woman ascertains a man's earning
potential within five minutes of meeting, and if he's lacking, she is gone
in a cloud of dust!
You know, what you're saying makes perfect sense. Except, how do you explain the probably 2 or 3 million adult men in the Chicago area who have a lot to middle class income who are MARRIED?
I have a good friend who lives in Chicago who I personally watched get 25 different women's phone numbers in the course of one weekend. He lived in a little apartment with a couple of other people, made very little money, and dressed casually. I think you need to get some new friends.
Try making friends with guys who are SUCCESSFUL with women, instead of guys who like to sit around coming up with "standing jokes" about why they suck with women.
Sure, money helps. Duh. But money doesn't create ATTRACTION. Sorry.
Get rid of your helpless mentality, and get out there and make something happen for yourself! Making excuses for why you can't succeed personally in life is one of the WORST uses for your amazing mind.
What up dave? There's no longer any doubt that this stuff works! It's really great to actually know what you're doing when dealing with women, rather than aimlessly trying to meet them.. anyway my question.. I met this chick at a party and before she left, i asked her if she had e-mail. She said, "how about my phone number?" I told her that it's hard to get people on the phone but i'd take it., she then writes her # down and said "I wrote my e-mail down too but i'll think you're a dork if you e-mail me, kind of jokingly. [WHY THE HELL DID SHE GIVE IT TO ME THEN!!!!!?] Then, other guys/friends delayed her leaving. so while i was back with my friends, she came where i was sitting right before she left and said., "you're going to call me right", smiling. i was already kind of drunk and i just nodded and said 'yeah' in an indifferent tone cause i knew she liked me.. but i could've said something better!!
1. What would have been cocky+funny thing to say when she said .."but i'll think you're a dork if you e-mail me.." and should i then proceed to e-mail!?
2. When she comes back and asks if I'm going to call her, what's the best thing i can say to bust on her in this situation?
I appreciate everything you're doing, david. please keep the newsletters
--D Jax, FL
To answer the "I'll think you're a dork if you email me" I probably would
"You'll think I'M a dork? Hey, you're the dorky CHICK who has email..."
And when a woman says "you're going to call me, right?" it means that she's REALLY into you... as you know. So why not smile and say "Why should I? What's in it for me?"
Then, when she says "What do you want?" you can answer with all kinds of
"Can you cook?"
"Can I have anything I want?" (my personal favorite)
...this is a great line of humor, and women love it.
thanks for all your great info that i have been receiving over the past several months. i have been putting into practice the things i learned from your e-book and newsletters with much improved results in the dating scene...........in a few of your newsletters you mentioned that jealousy is the strongest of all emotions. how do you deal with it if it is the woman who tries to make you jealous. whats the best mindset and way to handle it david.
Jealousy is an interesting topic. I'm not sure that I said it was the "strongest" of all emotions... but I probably did say that it was one of the most powerful. Jealousy causes people to do all sorts of stupid things...but it can also keep relationships together.
If a woman knows that other women are interested in you, she'll want you more. If a man finds out that his girl is sleeping with another man, he can fly into a rage that often leads to violence (or worse). Women are notorious for trying to make men jealous. Many women intuitively realize that jealousy will make a man more interested and make him work harder for her attention and affection.
If a woman tries to make me jealous, I just laugh.
If she says:
"Oh, this guy I used to date called me last night to see if I was single..."
I might laugh and say:
"Well you should go out with him."
At this point a woman will usually realize that what she's doing isn't working and say "No, I don't like him, why do you say that?"
It's important to overcome the natural tendency in life to have your emotions triggered by outside events. It takes some work in many cases, but it's worth it. Jealousy is an almost useless emotion. Do your best to realize that you don't need it... and then communicate that you're not easily played... and you don't get jealous over other men.
Works wonders, and makes you even more attractive.
I met this girl...and I know that she is the one for me. I can feel it, and have felt if since I first met her. At first, I can tell she was attracted to me...we hung out for like 13 hrs the first time we ever met, went out after that, and I had used the cocky - making fun of her thing. Then I got all wuss like and told her how I felt.
Now, we dont see each other all that often, I know that she has gone out with another guy, and she told me that he was a total dick to her. Question is...can I get her attraction to me back by starting to do the cocky thing again??? This along with talking about other women that I am talking to and hanging out with...would this possibly get her interest back in me???
I need help on this.
Yea, you need help on this.
HELLO? Why did you stop doing what worked originally? Don't make me come down there and shake you!
You're probably out of luck at this point, but if you want to try and MAKE some luck, then get back to doing what works. You don't need me to tell you this stuff again. Don't be a Wussy, man. Women aren't attracted to Wussies.
I read your ebook a few weeks ago and like everyone else, I am going to suck up to you and say its great. These tips really helped me out in the dating life. To the problem, I've known this italian girl since the summer. It started out as an internet thing in a chatroom as with my natural humor and new set of balls, I got hooked into me. Fast forward to a few months in November, we still kept talking and views me as a "Friend", even though we didn't even send a single picture to one another. Things are going so well, that *she* decides that we should meet up somewhere. We did, and I bet every reader in this room would be very very very jealous if they saw me with this girl.
Things went well on this "get together", I busted her balls, made her laugh, and her facial expressions were mostly "What the.." look with sometimes leaving her speechless. At the end, she said I was definaly a keeper..wee. Fast forward to a few days ago, and now she tells me that she had sex with her ex-boyfriend who "she loved" and hasn't seen a long time. The reason why they broke up is because he had to move, they were both in good terms. Even though the ex is currently seeing someone else, who he claims he is not interested in this "other", they still did it. She said at the end that she views me as a "friend"
My question: What gives? She was taking initiative to even *ask* me out, which is something that 0.001% of girls ask for, she compliments me, kisses me, the whole package, yet just a few days ago she tells me that she loves her ex?
For some reason I am going to get the feeling you are going to go on with my life, wish I could, but even though I did "double my dating", my dates haven't been all that fulfilling. Lets say my best date besides this one was some Swedish Figure Skater who kept talking about her past 90000 boyfriends.
Oh, yea. I really feel for you. In the months since you've been reading these newsletters and few WEEKS since you've read my book you've dated a super-hot Italian girl and a Swedish Figure Skater.
And your dates haven't been "all that fulfilling".
OK, as for your Italian girl who slept with her ex. These things happen, man.
Welcome to life on Earth. My book is called "Double Your Dating", not "How to make sure every relationship with every woman in your life turns out like a movie". Get out there and date some more women!
That'll get your mind off of the Italian girl (who you obviously feel attached to)... and onto some other super-babes that you have yet to meet.
Well I've read your e-book for about the 4th time now. I'm most likely going to read it at least that many more times. I'm just starting to put your teachings into the real world. The first time out I was with 2 of my buddies and 2 women that they both new a lot better than I did. One girl is a 8/9 the other is a solid 9. Well my buddy was in the process on dating the 8/9 so I started to work on the 9. I did the C/F routine, but I think I was a little short on the funny but after all my teasing and busting she still smiled and laughed. I told her some stuff about how "hotties" view men and how beauty was like a curse to them. She seemed to look at me like I could read her mind. But after that she kind of drifted from me and eventually went over by the guys that I bet her would all sleep with her in a heartbeat.... who all acted like ass kissers might I add. My question is...did I scare her with my knowledge of knowing so much of her game? Also it is really hard for me to work in a group of people. How can you really focus your skills when everybody is always switching who they are talking to. I'd say for a first time out it with my new tools it wasn't a loss but more of a tie.
And what were you trying to do with this girl, win a popularity contest?
Did you ask her for her email?
Did you ask her for her number?
Quit talking so much about losers who like to kiss ass and act like Wussies, and start thinking NEXT STEP. Remember the bonus booklet that you got with Double Your Dating called "Bridges"? This booklet teaches you how to go from one step to the next.
The principle is that you need to know where you are going... and then take steps to get there. What, did you expect this girl to jump on your lap and say "Let's get out of here!"? Lighten up on being the profound guru a little, and start thinking NEXT STEP.
You didn't have a "tie" here, you had a "I didn't do what it takes to win" here.
I have been reading your emails for about 6 months now, and I gotta tell you. You're words and advice have helped me with my life more than anything else *ever*. I have gone from getting a date with maybe one average looking girl every 4 months, to getting 7 or 8 dates from very beautiful women in less than 2 weeks. My confidence is skyrocketing, and women I would have automatically accepted before (based on their above average looks) are now often unacceptable in one way or another (usually due to neurotic behavior).
I have been changing my patterns and even ppl at work are noticing the difference. I am way more confident when confronted by my boss. I have gone so far as to make cocky/funny jokes at his expense hehe (surprisingly, it had the same effect on him as the women, he's started following me around, YIKES). I am attempting to find humor in every situation. Even being stalked by my massive... scary... hulking, boss (God help me).
I am still not at the place I want to be, but like anything new, practice makes perfect (I imagine buying your book and DVD set may help too). I can actually notice daily improvements as I apply these principles to my life. Thank you so much David. Who knows, I may even get a raise ;)
Quick question: I have had so many girls talk to me about their problems like right away. I agree with what you say about becoming a dumping ground and how it has 'wussy' written all over it. Do you have a few examples of how I could stop this behavior without scaring them off or making them think I am some kind of a**hole?
OK, first of all, congratulations on getting 7-8 dates from beautiful women in 2 weeks. You're the man. To answer your question about what to say to women who start talking about their problems right away...
Here's the deal.
When a woman starts talking about her problems, what she's REALLY saying is "I'm feeling bad right now. I think that if I talk about my problems I'll feel good... so that's what I'm going to do".
I hope you're with me here. Most guys go along with this, and try to be "nice" about the whole affair. If you're like I used to be, you actually TRY TO HELP.
Well guess what?
This is a REALLY bad idea if you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you.
The BEST thing to do in these situations is to make
her FEEL BETTER. And being a "nice" Wuss Bag Girly-Man Therapist isn't the way to do it.
Next time a woman starts with the problems, just interrupt her and say "Hey, whoa... wait a minute here... do I look like one of your GIRLFRIENDS?"
She'll say "No".
You say "Great, then don't talk to me like I'm one of them, OK?"
"If you want therapy, I'm going to have to charge you at LEAST two hundred an hour... I'm expensive. I'm in WAY too good of a mood to listen to this stuff for free."
Now, you MUST remember something here. You're NOT trying to come across like a heartless bastard when you say this stuff.
What you ARE trying to say is "You have girlfriends, and their role is comforting you and talking about things. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm the person who you feel GOOD when you're around... the one that cheers you up... the one that keeps you interested."
This is a VERY important distinction. You must understand and believe this
when you do it, or else you'll just come across like a selfish prick. I've
done this exact thing NUMEROUS times in my day, and almost EVERY time the
woman stops, laughs, and says:
"Oh, sorry. You're right... so what are you doing?" etc.
You can COMPLETELY change the mood and tone of a situation if you stand up, act like a man, and refuse the invitation to be her free Wussy Therapist Buddy.
But you really need to remember that a generous helping of Cocky & Funny will make this work best. If you listen to her problems and act like a girlfriend, then that's what you're going to turn into.
And thanks for the compliments... I get a lot of feedback that this stuff helps in a lot of different areas of life, and I know that my own life has improved in many different ways as a result. Oh, and you're right about the fact that investing in my DVD program will REALLY help your success.
I guarantee that you'll be slapping yourself and saying "What the hell have I been waiting for?" If you've been dating average women, you'll start meeting SUPER hot women.
If you've been running into a challenge, this program will solve it for you.
And in this Mailbag you've also heard from a lot of guys who are using my original eBook "Double Your Dating" to improve their success with women and dating. It comes with three additional free bonus booklets, and it's a complete introduction to my principles and techniques. Of course, it also comes with a 100% guarantee. Go download your copy here... you can be reading it in literally a few minutes from right now
...and watch it in action, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
(c) Robert Lee, aLoveLinksPlus.com and David DeAngelo Inc. All Rights Reserved.