If you're at all like me, a predictable thing happens to you when you start dating a new man you like. At first, you're all excited, there's a spring in your step, and you feel all aglow. People ask you what you've done differently.
But then, as you get to know him and become even more interested and invested in him, something else happens. You start to think about him all the time, you begin to worry that you might mess things up, and you're constantly wondering what he's thinking about you. You talk about him with all of your friends, dissecting his every move. But there's no harm in it, because he knows nothing about this - right? Wrong.
OVER-THINKING CHANGES YOUR VIBE
When you think about a man too much, several things happen. Emotionally, you become drained from all the analyzing. You have less energy for the other things in your life - the passions and people that made you the person he was attracted to in the first place.
At the same time, your self-esteem goes down. Why? Because you start hanging your self worth on whether or not things will work out with this one guy. You go from the carefree, spirited woman you are to a fearful, worrying creature. And it shows. Believe it or not, a man can sense when you're doing all this internal acrobatics about him. Your thoughts affect your feelings and your mood.
But telling yourself to stop thinking about him isn't so easy. You need a two-pronged approach: a way to stop yourself from focusing all your attention on one man too soon... and a Tool to boost your self-esteem so that you're being your most attractive you.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T STOP DATING
Once you've found a man you think is a potential keeper, it's tempting to clear out your calendar for him and not even consider other dates. But this is exactly what makes you become fearful and worried about whether he's going to call and what's going to happen next. Result: you can't stop thinking about him, and he'll pick up on the fact that you're hinging on his every move.
That's why you absolutely need to keep connecting with other men and going out on dates with them. When you do, you're immediately taking the pressure off both you and the guys you're seeing. It will stop you from over-thinking about any one man, which means you won't have that clingy, fearful, unattractive vibe I talked about before. The fact that you're online dating means you have a fantastic Tool at your disposal to keep yourself from prematurely cutting off your options. Use it!
THINK OF YOURSELF AS THE PRIZE
Often, and especially when we meet a man we think could really be "it," something inside us immediately starts to sabotage it. It's what I like to call the "nasty voice," and I'm sure you're familiar with it - it's that negative-thinking part of you that says you aren't good enough to have all the love you deserve from a truly wonderful man.
Well, you do. And since I like visual Tools, I want you to think of your favorite dish. Let's say it's chocolate cheesecake. Think of everything you love about chocolate cheesecake and what makes it so wonderful. Who wouldn't want a piece of that? Same goes for you. Now, whenever you are feeling overcome by feelings of inadequacy, I want you to immediately think of that dessert and say to yourself, "I am the chocolate cheesecake!"
I know this sounds silly, but believe me - it works. It's so silly, that it will instantly lighten your mood and hence your vibe, so that you really do loosen up and become instantly more attractive. It's similar to what happens when you're walking down the street and you're remembering that great kiss you had with your guy. Instantly, a smile washes over your face and people want to know: "What did you do differently?"
There are specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man. To learn more. subscribe to Rori's free relationship advice e-newsletter. You'll discover a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.
In her packed Los Angeles workshops, relationship coach, author, speaker and seminar leader Rori Raye teaches women the completely original, controversial, simple-to-do techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around.