not saying or doing something you've always done in the same situation will
change the dynamic of your relationship forever."
It's possible that most of us have never known true intimacy from the
moment we came into the world.
We've been labeled, taught, cajoled
and prodded, been threatened by all forms of authority, told what's
true and what isn't, and disrespected for everything from our
feelings to our thoughts.
Our relationships have been more
about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves.
struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think
we want than discovering what it is we really want.
Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that it's okay to want
what we want.
Sometimes we only accidentally discover that
the person we really are, warts and all, underneath all the masks
and games we've learned to put between ourselves and others, is
It can change our lives forever, or
remain a lost opportunity forever.
Someone sees us --
really sees us -- in a moment of accidental abandon and their heart
fills up with love for us.
We deny this possibility and
push that someone away because we so don't believe we are loveable.
Does this sound like you?
It's most all of us.
We can't, or won't get close enough to someone who may very well be
our soulmate because we've never done it.
We don't know
When I was an actor, I did not have access to my
I could pretend fairly well, and it got me far
--I could laugh nearly anytime, but I was completely detached from
my anger and pain.
An actor friend told me -- "fake it til
you make it."
Meaning, if I pounded the table hard enough
and long enough with my fist, I'd feel angry.
If I hit my
hand with a hammer over and over again, I'd feel pain.
I use some of this "fake it until you make
it" philosophy in teaching women how to express themselves.
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something can trigger the real
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you've always done
in the same situation will change the dynamic of your relationship
Trust creeps in, in small ways.
Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between words.
speaking not from your heart leaves room for speaking from your
The next time you're tempted to tell your man what to do, even
though you know how to do it better than he does--stop yourself.
See what happens.
So what do you
do when you've stopped talking?
How do you communicate
The simple answer is to use an "I feel" message.
This sounds easy.
In a book, it would sound easy.
But it's probably something you don't really have words for.
Starting with "I feel" is the perfect start, but what then?
Go with what's really there.
Feel the floor under your
Feel the table in front of you.
heart beat, you're stomach gurgle, the tightness in your chest
that's there because you're mad, or upset, or frustrated, or giddy,
and you don't know what to say.
Feel the most concrete,
real, simple thing you can, and say that.
"I'm hungry" is better than "Let's go to that little Italian place,
This is a game, you say.
No, it isn't.
It's the missing link.
The missing piece that we never
learned as children.
We learned how to get along, how to
influence others, how to look and do good, but we never learned how
to even make contact with what we really feel, much less ever said
A woman who can say what she feels, simply,
directly, passionately, with energy and conviction or
matter-of-factness will find her soulmate in record time.
And there will be nothing to stop him from grabbing her and running
It's the way men are supposed to behave
when they're in love -- only we've all forgotten.
We're all afraid of intimacy.
What would happen if we behaved as if we weren't?
show you all the ways in which you can be happy and thrive in your
There are specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man.
To learn more visit Rori's website and grab some of her relationship tools.
You'll discover a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.