Ask a relationship counsellor about fighting between couples and you'll usually be told that the issue that started the argument isn't the real reason behind the fight. And they are usually right. Rori Raye offers relationship advice that is not only easy to understand you can put it to work without having to make life-changing decisions or walking the road to regret.
Learn How to Take the Presssure Off Yourself
Believe it or not, a man can sense when you're doing all these internal acrobatics about him. Your thoughts affect your feelings and your mood.
How can I feel better about my relationship
If we focus on pain, all we'll ever feel is resistance to feeling pain, which is the same as resistance to feeling joy, which leaves us with a big, fat nothing.
What relationship map are you following?
Just because you're seeing the road doesn’t mean you're on the Highway of Love. In fact, what if you're not even on it at all!
Has your relationship started to drift day-by-day?
Creating romance step-by-step to become closer with your husband again.
What are the steps you need to take to bring intimacy back?
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you've always done in the same situation will change the dynamic of your relationship forever.
How do you handle conflict?
You respect the power of words by either saying only what you feel in your own body – without so much as referring to your man or his actions – or not speaking at all.
Is This Your Relationship Pattern?
Fights, arguments, disagreements... whatever you want to call them, are rarely what they seem to be on the surface.
The reason they start isn't always the final reason, or the only reason, or the fight.
Let me as you what your last fight was about.
- He doesn't help out
- He goes out without staying in touch
- He spends too much money
These are usual complaints that have deeper underlying issues that need to be resolved for the relationship to become stable and equal again.
"He doesn't help out" can be related to him not spending time with you so you both can share in down-time, away from the concerns and worries of work and kids.
"He goes out without staying in touch" can be related to feelings of being taken for granted or of being insignificant.
"He spends too much money" can be related to concerns for your future and plans that you once shared together losing their significance.
The time to talk about these things is not in anger but in a better atmosphere of calm and caring.
Fighting leads to hostility and no one performs well when they feel cornered or their back is up against a wall.
The phrase "We have to talk" strikes fear equally in men and women and should be avoided, swapped for something like "Do you remember when…"
Talking about feelings are also a bad starting point in any talk where a positive resolution is the hopeful result.
We all share responsibility for actions and the results of our actions but we bear individual responsibility for how those actions make us feel.
Our feelings are deeply personal and should not be blamed on others. Certainly people will do things to knock us down but it’s your own reaction that either allows you to maintain or give up control of your feelings.
People can only hurt you when you allow yourself to feel hurt. How you recover your dignity and self-esteem is also how you manage your communication within your relationships.
One key method to managing your relationship and the bond you share together is to maintain a personal diary or journal to record the highs and lows of your time together.
Write about the good and the bad and you will find a pattern that runs through your relationship evolve and become the basis of how your future together will grow or fail.
You may also find the true reasons why small things become big fights and being in possession of this information will also give you the power to be able to head off these conflicts before they become relationship breakers.
Find the tools you need right here.