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Relationships Are A Three Player Event

This article by Rori Raye: "One reason why relationships break down is because the reason why you started to be together in the first place is left behind."

This is a matter of keeping love alive, in every facet of your life, more than it has to do with how your partner is behaving.

I’m not saying that love is a one-way street but you have to admit, if you’re not giving love you’re not getting any either.

Relationships are created by three people: you, your partner and the combination you make: a couple.

The man, the woman, the couple.

Three distinct personalities, three separate ways to feel about yourself and your partner.

When the going gets tough and the relationship gets rocky, stop for a moment and think how the third person, the couple, in your relationship needs to behave.

Put aside your own needs, let the needs of the couple take precedent.

When you became a couple you gave up parts of the single life that really were just the starting point of your relationship life.

Building the relationship allowed you to move the energy from your singleness to being a couple, putting the effort into the relationship to make it work.

So why are you in a hard place now? How intimate can you be?

Take a moment to carefully, and honestly, answer the following questions.
What do you feel you have unfairly given up in your relationship?

Is this balanced against what your partner has sacrificed for your relationship?

What do you feel needs to be changed to make your relationship work again?

Your answers describe how you really feel about you relationship.

Now it’s time to get your ‘couple’ back together. Don’t look at this next part as mandatory.

Don’t think that you’ll automatically and magically transform your hurting relationship into a romantic couple again instantly.

But these tips will help you to change yourself, to make personal adjustments, not sacrifices, and have the relationship you want. Write down your answers not in a rush but over several days/weeks.

1. Day one: Write a list of all the great things about yourself that anyone would love you for.

Take as long as you want to create this list, several days in fact. List items can be anything, such as: great dresser, good cook, responsible with money, fantastic looks, etc.

2. Day eight: start a list of all the things you don’t like about your partner.

 Be as wide-ranging as you want. List items can include: slobbiness, often home late, no more date nights, brings work home, uncommunicative, etc.

3. Day twelve: write a list of all the things you like about your partner.

List items can include such things as: good company, listens when I talk, smells nice, appreciative at times, etc.

4. Day fifteen: Compare the list you first wrote, the list of great things about yourself to the third list you wrote, great things you like about your partner.

Create a list of the things you find you have in common from the two lists.

5. Day twenty: take the last list, the list of common things and compare it with the list of things you don’t like about your partner. Cross of all things in common and this should leave you with the things that you don’t like most about your partner that you don’t have in common. With this final list study it carefully and see if you can find anything that you personally can work on.

Remember, the idea here isn’t to find things to change about your partner but finding areas that you can improve about yourself and when you’ve refined this list I want you to select one thing a day to consciously work on improving.
You can improve your relationship only by making the improvements that you want from your partner.

No more ‘date nights’? You can start them up again, don’t wait for your partner to read your mind about having a date night. Rent a movie, order takeout dinner, plan to spend some time together, even if it’s just sitting on the couch and watching a movie together, or reading together.

Romance is getting stale? Re-invigorate your romance by leaving “I love you, I want you” notes in your partner’s jacket pocket. Briefcase, lunch bag, whatever. Small words speak volumes of your appreciation and happiness of being together.

Home life too hectic? Get out of the house! Take your partner to a book store, window shopping in the mall, something. Plan on breaks from the stress of home life by taking your partner, or family, out of the home. Just do something away from the stress of home life. You’ll see a big change in the way you look at what makes you stressed at home.

Excitement fading in your relationship? Become a listener, not a talker. By opening up your ears you will become, again, the support system that you and your partner both need.

Have The Relationship You Want
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* How to completely redesign the entire concept and dynamics of your marriage, your relationship, or your first date.
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(c) 2007-2008 Rori Raye, New You Advice Inc.,, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all harmless. Article may not be reprinted without express written consent of the authors.


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