This article: "You respect the power of words by either saying only what you feel in your own body – without so much as referring to your man or his actions – or not speaking at all."
Above quote from "Have The Relationship You Want" by Rori (Raye) Gwynne, Page 38
When we have control, real control, over our own actions then life is lived easier. There is no mistake, if you are powerless over the things you do and say then you are powerless to be part of a lasting, committed relationship.
Think about it. Think about the last time you "lost it" and gave in to automatic, unthought-through words and actions.
Did it make you feel better?
A sense of relief?
Or did you still have left over thoughts and emotions of the event?
How do you think the other person(s) felt after you were done acting and talking the way you did?
Conflict is a natural human emotion. Instinctively we work to protect ourselves, to protect those around us. But this "self-preservation: instinct has to be under control except in extreme emergencies.
If we follow those feelings, and live an emotional life, who could possibly keep up with you?
Think a moment the last time you went through an "emotional ride" of a moment. Where was your support? Did you "end the ride" and still have dignity left or were you reduced to fleeing, apologizing, or trying to make amends later on.
Emotions are a great instinct. The keep us a live, they allow our personality to be friendly, secure, loving, strong. But they can also lead us down another road: antagonistic, insecure, uncaring and weak.
Powerful words need not be shouted out loud.
Powerful words have their power because of the true intent behind them. Powerful words directly lead to action.
Finding these powerful words takes a lot of training.
They are inside you, the next in line behind the emotional outpouring you usually go through when in an emotional state.
These emotions coming out first is what needs to be conquered. Slammed back, so that the words have power come to come to bat first. They come first to your tongue, controlled, responding with intelligence, not emotion.
Pauses in your sentence, time-outs of a second or two so you can "choose your words", your words of power, will help to re-enforce the power of your words.
When we use language to verbally get our point across, to ask a questions, to make an informed comment… even to write an article, the tone, the phrasing, the visible body language all must agree with what is being said.
Now, I'm not going to dwell on your past use of words. I'm sure you could easily list a few disagreements that didn't go your way, or did and turned out awfully, only because the words used were an "emotional reaction to the event at hand".
In that last example (of which I hope you've admitted to yourself to having a few) we can shed some light on "words of power" and how the effect not just our future, your future, but how people from that point forward may react to us.
So let's move this emotional level of talking to the next level, the level of speaking and reacting thoughtfully.
This is an easy exercise that I hope you give a try for the next couple of days.
Start a list, right now, thinking up all the "automatic" questions you are asked in a day and the ":automatic" responses you provide.
Let's say you're going to get your morning coffee at your usual coffee shop. You are asked a certain way by the server, you reply almost automatically, just like you've done dozens of time before. In this exercise I want you to slow down. Avoid the automatic. Put some thought, change your pattern, ask what the server sees more people adding to their coffee or what people are liking that is new. Maybe try something new, maybe not. But by breaking out of the "automatic habit" you're opening the door to "Choosing your words" because you've paused, considered other options, discussed other options and continued from there.
You may have other daily activities that have become so routine that you barely even notice you're completing them. Whatever those daily ritual are I want you to stop, think, consider and choose your words and speak with a firm voice your considered reply.
It's really a positive step to getting what you want when you stop, listen, consider options and "choose your words" to express your decision, without opening the nasty can of emotional words that just "wants to get things done".
Choosing your words puts an end to the easy life. The emotional life that wa running you into the ground. And separating you from the men you love because men speak on a logical level (most men anyways) and to communicate with them, and get your way, emotional pleas really don't work.
Men are like thick bricks when trying to understand the "womanese of emotional language". Intense years of training needs to be conducted by that one special woman that can communicate with a man on his level, and yet maintain her own method of control over situations.
Do you understand how all this works together?
Change does come.
Change is surprising.
To be able to integrate the preceding advice into your life, take the next step and read Rori Raye's book "Have The Relationship You Want". You can download it here, read some free samples and explore even more the ways to create a real caring person in yourself that can explore and discover the values in your relationships and make them what you want them to be.
book you will learn:
* How to completely redesign the entire concept and dynamics of your marriage, your relationship, or your first date.
* How to communicate in a completely new way.
* How to tap into the power of being a woman by tapping into the power of Feminine Energy.
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In her packed Los Angeles workshops, relationship coach, author, speaker and seminar leader Rori Raye teaches women the completely original, controversial, simple-to-do techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around.