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Revenge When
My Roommate Is A Bitch

Dear RG,
I have a really irritating roommate. There are four of us in our house, and
she thinks that she owns the place. She doesn't clean her dishes, instead
she fills the sink with water, puts them in and assumes somebody else will
do them for her. She doesn't have a job, so instead of getting one, she
'borrows' food from the rest of us. She has gotten a dog, which is strictly
in violation of our lease.
She repeatedly had mid-week parties that last until four am. This is a big
problem for me, because I start work at 5 am. I have tried being really loud
in the morning, but she seems to sleep right through it. I also don't think
that it is fair to wake my other roommates up early just because she is
inconsiderate. I am going to tell the landlord about the dog, but would like
to do something that would make up for all the sleep I have lost due to her
selfishness.
Thanks,
Helen
Hi
Helen,
I'd wait until the last few days of your roommate living there. Then I'd
start adding things to the food you leave around that she eats.
Toothpaste inside Oreo cookies, extra salt mixed into the butter or
margarine, orange juice made with salt, Any type of food, you can
booby-trap. Since she's not really supposed to be eating it, the blame is
simply hers, right?
And she's not being fair having people over to party when others need to
work. I bet this is her first place and first taste of freedom. She's too
stupid to realize that even freedom has rules.
So I'd get your roommates together and write down everything she's done
since she lived with you:
Stealing food;
Parties;
Whatever.
And I'd send that to her next landlord, the day after she moves in.
If you want to keep roommates tame, you have to have them sign a behavior
contract before they move in. This way they know what is allowed and what
isn't. If you don't then whatever they do is on you.
