Q & A with Alex Allman - author of "Revolutionary Sex"
***QUESTION FOR ALEX***
My wife used to masturbate regularly. And still she needs to do it as we only get once a week to be close to each other, for some unavoidable reasons.
The problem is: she is yet to orgasm. No matter how long I stay-- 10 minutes or 20 minutes. She says she doesn't understand whether she orgasms during intercourse. She also says she doesn't get as much pleasure during intercourse as she gets during masturbation.
I have understood that She really doesn't cum during intercourse. This thing worries us much. She feels much tension for this, me as well. I have tried to convince her that things will be okay once we start living together and have intercourse regularly and frequently.
But I don't know if i was really convincing.
Can you help me?
First of all it is completely NORMAL and very COMMON that women get more PHYSICAL pleasure from masturbation than they do from intercourse.
There's much more to making love than just how quickly or how powerfully she has an orgasm.
That said, in the end, with some patience and good intention, the physical pleasure from making love can be grown until it BLOWS AWAY any experience she could have on her own.
The first thing to do is make sure that she feels comfortable, confident, and good about herself... that she does not feel like there is anything "wrong" with how she experiences sexual pleasure.
The second thing is to make sure that she knows that YOU are comfortable, confident, and good about her experiences... that she knows that YOU don't think there is anything "wrong" with how she experiences sexual pleasure.
Continues below video...
Your calm, easy, and loving manner around the situation will allow her to relax into having a deeper experience with you. This may take some time. She may not trust immediately that you are not just saying it to make her feel better. You must remain positive in your words and actions, show her that you are playful and happy, and full of attraction for her and that this issue is not important as long as you are both happy.
Then, when she is fully trusting that you are not judging her or disappointed in her, or feeling like there is anything "wrong", you can ask her to share her masturbation with you. Allow you to watch and enjoy it cradle her body in your arms while she does it, stroke her hair or kiss her as she does it, etc... making it a shared experience...
And then, afterwards to participate in the experience, guided by her in touching her and working the magic together as a team.
Soon you will be enjoying love making as an act of loving playfulness. When there is no more pressure for her to have orgasm during intercourse and she is able to open to the pleasure of how much you enjoy touching her... then she will very likely begin to have deep, powerful orgasms from intercourse.
If someone held a gun to your head and said, if you cannot get an erection, then you will die... well, my friend, if you are like most men, you are going to die. Because men can't get erections while under pressure.
Same for her orgasm.
When she is completely free of any doubt or anxiety, it
will be much easier.
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