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Sexual Anxiety: Problems "Performing" With New Partners?

"Revolutionary Sex" by Alex Allman"Let me give you a warning in advance about the material in this article, I am NOT responsible if your neighbors complain about the noise you'll be making with her" - Alex Allman.

Q & A with Alex Allman -  author of "Revolutionary Sex"


I've been having problems getting an erection when I'm around my girlfriend.

I've recently just started dating her, and whenever we begin to fool around, I can't get an erection. [...] my self-diagnosis is that its sexual anxiety, that I am worried that I won't be able to get an erection, thus making me not get one.

This isn't the first time, for the past year this has been the case whenever I'm with a girl. It can't be a physical reason because in the mornings I always have an erection. [...] Do you have any special advice that would help me stop being so anxious?
Can you help me?


I would try talking to your current girlfriend about it.

Just be cool and have a sense of humor about it. Don't make it a big deal like having to tell her that you have HIV... just say, "look, I know it's a little weird, but I seem to grappling with some sexual anxiety here. Frankly it's a bit confusing to me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd help me work through it".

Then coach her on the process, figuring out what you need from her as you go. AND MAKE SURE SHE HAS FUN IN THE PROCESS.

Explain, calmly and with masculine strength (hold eye contact, don't look down like you're ashamed, relax your body so you're not speaking with a constricted throat), that you are very attracted to her and that you are very turned on and enjoying being sexual with her even if you are not getting an erection.

She's going to have some insecurities and self-doubt about it, even if she says she doesn't.

Tell her with confidence that you are going to give her a good time with or without an erection, and tell her that you are also enjoying every second of it with or without an erection.

Tell the truth when you tell her that.

And then make it true when you do it. Nothing works better than the truth when it comes to putting your partner at ease. Then set aside a couple of hours and go have some great sex play without being concerned with whether or not you have an erection.

Chances are, at some point, if you focus only on the pleasure you are both having, your erection will show up and then you can enjoy that part too. Don't try to force it to happen and don't be disappointed if it doesn't. It will, all by itself.

And the "problem" will sort itself out quickly after that and most likely will not return with your next girlfriend.

Use this opportunity while you don't have an erection to worry about to cultivate other sexual skills like tuning into her body, building sexual trust, and learning how to patiently and lovingly please a woman on your own terms.

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(c) 2007-2011 Alex Allman, New You Advice Inc, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd., All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all authors and publishers harmless.

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