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Are You Sexually Inexperienced?

Click here to read more about "Revolutionary Sex" by Alex AllmanLet me give you a warning in advance about the material in this article, I am NOT responsible if your neighbors complain about the noise you'll be making with her.

Article based on "Revolutionary Sex" ebook

Alex Allman: I've gotten quite a few emails from guys who are inexperienced or who are still virgins, asking for help.

The GREAT news for these guys is that it is much easier to become great at any skill in life BEFORE you learn bad habits. And with the right foundation, you can be miles ahead of other men who fall into bad patterns, routines, and habits early in the game, and then just repeat the same thing over and over every time they have sex, with every new partner... forever.

Yes. Forever.

Incredibly, most married women will tell you that their husband makes love to them exactly the same way every time. There is never any change, never any improvement. In areas that they are lacking (and I think that we can all agree that in ANY area of life, there's ALWAYS room for improvement), they stay the same for the life of the relationship.

So, whether you are new to the game and don't want to let that happen to you... or if you've been with the same woman for years and realize that maybe YOU have fallen into this kind of pattern...

Here's some basic stuff to start out on the right foot and create some very serious magic for your girl... with some very simple ideas...

***GETTING READY FOR THE FIRST TIME***

Hey Alex, I've been reading your newsletters for some time now. Admittedly I'm not having sex at the moment...
I'm [still] a virgin... but I feel like I'm pretty much ready. Your newsletters have helped me gain confidence as to what do do. I appreciate that. I just wanted to ask you a few things about doing it for the first time. How do I let her know I'm ready? How will I know she's ready? Also, I've read that most guys don't enjoy their first time. Is this true? Yours, J.

Alex Allman >>>MY REPLY: Yes, it is true that most guys don't enjoy their first time--

I mean, there are parts that they probably enjoy, but mostly they are so wrapped up in their own insecurities...

"am I doing this right?"

"is she enjoying it?"

"is this supposed to happen?"

"is that the way it's supposed to feel?"

"how long should I last?"

"Is that face she's making mean she likes it or wishes I'd stop?"

Plus, performance anxiety could mean that it will take you longer than expected to be "ready"...
or come much sooner than you had intended, and then you sit there wondering if you just made a fool out of yourself.

(By the way, if you've ever struggled with performance anxiety or premature ejaculation, I explain every technique you will ever need to completely eliminate these problems from your life right HERE: Revolutionary Sex

So... Look.. Basically, the more you can avoid all of those thoughts, the better off you'll be. So for your first time, make sure your partner is somebody you care about and who is friend enough that you can just be cool together and not have any weird pressure or expectations on each other.

REMEMBER THIS: If most guys don't enjoy their first time, that's twice as true for girls.

That may make you feel even more nervous about your first time.

Don't.

It's no reflection on you. It would be the same with any man she shares her first experience with... even a much more experienced man.

Because she's not enjoying it for the same reason that you probably won't... she's completely twisted up in her own anxiety.

She's afraid that she's not pretty enough, that she smells weird, that there's something she's supposed to do that she doesn't know about, that you might expect her to do some weird thing that she once saw on 'net porn that scared the hell out of her...

Men get validation from sports, from school, from having a great sense of humor, from being tough or a great fighter, from making a lot of money...

Women get their validation from being sexually desirable.

That's completely messed up... but that is the way it is in our culture. Watch ANY movie and you will see the truth in this-- the male lead might be a race car driver or a cowboy, but the female lead is, basically, just sexually desirable.

Women grow up with the idea in their head that if they fail at being sexually desirable, they've failed at being a woman.

Believe me... there is more pressure on her than you.

So be nice to her, don't worry so much about yourself... Remember that the more you focus on her FEELINGS and discovering her body, the less you'll be caught up on all that self-doubt and insecurity that is the enemy of good sex. Try to keep things light and playful. Expect things to go differently than you imagined it, and be man enough to laugh about the stuff that goes wrong and not freak out.

If you are more concerned with making her feel good about herself... (making her feel that she is sexy, that she's doing everything right, that she turns you on and is doing everything perfectly)... than you are about your own performance or making her come... she will remember you as an AMAZING lover.

The absolute fact is... that this is true of any woman, no matter how experienced. And any man can make himself into a better lover, at any age, by remembering this fact about women.

Don't worry about making her come-- just worry about making her feel positive about her SELF.

Amazing things will flow from that... like probably far more intense orgasms for one. Okay, finally, how do you let her know you're ready? You tell her, dumb-ass. If you're not close enough and mature enough to talk about it, you aren't ready to do it. Tell her it's your first time.

Tell her that it's important to you that you do it with someone you like and trust, that you don't expect things to be perfect for either of you, but that you want to share the experience with her because she's special, because you feel close and connected with her, and that whether or not you end up together for the long run, you'll have created this memory together of a sweet first time. Then be completely respectful of her thoughts on the subject.

Don't argue with her if she's not into it... You can't logically convince someone to have sex with you. Over the next couple of days, if you don't argue with her and you don't "punish her" by acting all weird and hurt like a jerk, you will earn a lot of trust and respect, and she may very well come around and realize she's ready too. Buy a 12-pack of condoms and use a few to "practice". Make sure you can get it open, get it on, ejaculate, and safely dispose of it, with at least 3 or 4 of them. Be showered, clean, and good-smelling the day you go for it. Bring at least 3 condoms with you.

One will not be enough. You may find that you have trouble getting one on and lose your erection while you fiddle with it (dispose of it and try again when you're ready), you may find that after a while it becomes uncomfortable from friction (remove it and put on a fresh one), you may find that you want to do it again later (you'll be glad you have an extra!). Go very, very slowly with the foreplay. Take your time at each step along the way. Make a lot of eye contact. Stroke her face and hair. Kiss a lot. Use the condoms. No matter what.

Pregnancy is more of a drag than you can imagine, and humans are inconveniently fertile when they are young. Afterwards spend plenty of time kissing her and cuddling her, telling her it was great (even if it wasn't) and just being nice in each other's company. Okay, that was all damn good advice. Probably the best you'll ever hear on the subject. You want some extra good advice? Don't tell all of your buddies afterwards. Be enough of a man to not need to prove anything in front of them and you'll earn more respect than any amount of bragging.

Try not to get all tied up in your head over the macho crap of losing your virginity and being a 'Man in the morning' because, it turns out, that's just nonsense.

Be careful, play safe, be nice to girls always.

If you'd like to find out more about how society messes with women's heads, I recommend reading Carol Gilligan's great book "Reviving Ophelia"

And if you want the most effective techniques and ideas for completely blowing any woman's mind in the bedroom, check out my eBook, "Revolutionary Sex". You can download it right now onto your computer and be reading it almost instantly by going to Revolutionary Sex

*** I WANT TO BE THE BEST SHE'S EVER HAD... NOW! ***

Hi Alex,
The last newsletter was amazing...ok here's a few questions...when me and my gf are having sex and she's on top what exactly can I do to be more into it than laying there and thrusting? Should I move her on her back when she is getting tired? Bc she gets tired long before I do so should I try to hurry or jus switch positions with her or what?

Can u give me any easy way to give her an orgasm by the next time we have sex or jus make sex great? I want to have great passionate sex but I'm just not understanding this all tht easy. Srry for all the questions and can't wait till the next newsletter!!!!!! Thnx,,,,z.

Alex Allman >>>MY REPLY:

Love your enthusiasm, man. Keep reading the newsletters... And relax...
I'm sure you're doing incredibly well. Don't worry so much about exactly when to change positions. Just stay organic with it and enjoy yourself.

Keep her on top for as long as you both enjoy it. If she gets tired (from any position) see how you feel-- you can take a break and just kiss until she's ready for more, sometimes you can push her to go further and she'll appreciate it... or you can pick her up and flip her over and take over the "work"... Based on your feelings in the moment... Not on rules.

By organic I mean, "what feels natural", what your instincts are telling you to do.

I know some people might say, "what kind of advice is that? How is that something I don't already know? Isn't doing what's natural what I'm already doing?"

Ha! I wish!

No. When it comes to sex in the modern world, nobody does what is organic or natural.

Most people, both men and women, especially "beginners", are completely hung up on their internal insecurities, they are thinking more about what they "should" do than what they want to do... and if they are under 30, having come of age sexually in the age of the Internet... they are more influenced by what they've SEEN of sex than by what is natural for them to do...

In fact, it's unlikely they can even sort out their own desires from the things they've watched a thousand times.

It actually takes patience and willingness to explore the inner depths of yourself to figure out what is organic to you... and organic to the two of you as a couple.

It requires openness, connection and comfort with each other, and confidence within yourself.

The first step?

Calm down, don't worry so much, and enjoy her body.

I totally understand what you are feeling when you ask, "Can u give me any easy way to give her an orgasm by the next time we have sex...?"

And I could tell you that using your tongue rhythmically on her clitoris while making a "come here" curling motion with your index finger in her vagina launches many women right into the stratosphere...

(And Yes, you should definitely try that one).

But that would really be missing the point.

The point is... women are all different. Some come easily, and some take time and patience. And you'll also find that they often take very different things to get there.

You'll have to experiment a bit and "Pay Attention".

The more important point is this: Women are so incredibly sensitive to our emotional states, and she knows when you are frustrated that she isn't having an orgasm. She FEELS it and it puts pressure on her.

Instead, just tell her she's doing great, tell her how much pleasure you take from her body, reassure her that she's not doing anything wrong, that she turns you on. Let her feel your pleasure and your calm certainty when you are touching her someplace that she's going to love it.

Don't be afraid to make some noises of pleasure yourself when she seems to be getting closer to getting off... That sends her a strong signal that it's okay, that you like it, that it's not weird, that you're not desperately TRYING to make her come, but instead, just enjoying her and yourself.

Don't make sex about getting to the orgasm...
hers or yours...

Make it about enjoying the experience together...
the experience of your bodies and of your emotions.

My friend Joseph Kramer, who invented the practice of Somatic Sexology and is about the smartest guy on the planet on the subject, says, "people don't know how to SAVOR anymore."

Savor is a great word for it.

So, yes, specific tips about what to do physically are important... but they can distract you from the bigger issues. Just stay present with her, be assured in yourself, take pleasure from every square inch of her, and be confident that you are doing everything right.

"Point of view" is highly contagious, and she will be pulled into your view of reality if you maintain your certainty and she will also begin to feel that you are "doing everything right".

Don't get frustrated if it's not perfect.
Nothing is. And don't try to force a powerful connection.
Connection is something that you can't just "decide" to have. It is built over time and by loving with an open heart.

By making yourself open this way, of course, you could get hurt. That's what makes it hard. It takes courage to truly connect with another human.

And that's the big secret.

Your Friend,
AlexClick here to read more about "Revolutionary Sex" by Alex Allman

P.S., It's important that you understand this stuff first. But obviously, it's part of a much bigger picture. When you are ready to take the next step and become a master of her sexual pleasure, you'll need to download my eBook, Revolutionary Sex

P.P.S, If you haven't signed up for my free Newsletter yet, you can do that HERE: Revolutionary Sex

 

 

(c) 2007-2009 Alex Allman, New You Advice Inc, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd., All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all authors and publishers harmless.
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