Let me give you a warning in advance about the material in this article, I am NOT responsible if your neighbors complain about the noise you'll be making with her.
Article based on "Revolutionary Sex" ebook
It's a hard fact: the latest data says that more than 50% of women cheat in their relationships.
From my understanding of it, the numbers may have always been that high, but women are now more willing to admit the truth about their habits (it's well known that many people will lie even in anonymous surveys in order to maintain their own sense of self-identity... but that's a whole other subject!)
I should let you know right up front that those numbers don't mean anything in my own life. I don't believe a woman has ever cheated on me, and I don't expect that any woman ever will. I'll explain why in a moment... but let me just tell you now that it's NOT because I'm so ferocious in bed or anything so egotistical.
I believe it is a fairly simple thing to cheat-proof your relationship... it's just that the steps you need to take are sometimes counter-intuitive and when you think you've done everything a man can do... sometimes you've just worked too hard on all of the wrong things.
Now the thing I want to talk to you about today is "cyber-cheating" and this is a new thing, obviously, because the Internet has only been around for a short while and we still don't know all of the ways in which this is going to affect our relationships and our sex lives.
In fact, I don't even know if cyber-cheating is even cheating. Different couples might have different rules on this.
You get to make up your own mind:
If you discovered that your girlfriend was on dating sites flirting with other men, or that she was in chat rooms having "cyber-sex" with other men... but she NEVER met up with these men in real life (or "IRL" as they say in cyber-land)... would that be okay with you?
Would you consider it cheating?
Now while psychologists like to think of the study of emotions as a "science", I don't believe that it is or that it ever was. Some scientific methods can be used in psychology to conduct certain experiments or attempt to verify certain theories, but that's true of baking a better pie as well, and nobody calls baking a science.
So I'm going to be giving you some thoughts on this subject that I believe are true, but I warn you in advance that I am not a psychologist, and that even if I was, my conclusions might be suspect... They certainly aren't scientific.
But they are based on many hours of talking with men, women, and couples about their sex lives, and getting fantastic results for them with my teachings... and I believe that most of what I am about to say is true of most people. Your results may vary, as they say.
Cyber-cheating arises from the same impulse as "IRL" cheating for women. The primary difference being, it's much easier for her to justify it.
My good friend and mentor, Dr. Wyatt Woodsmall, one of the leading experts (if not THE leading expert) in the world on motivation and "why humans do what they do," always says that everything that people do they do for one of 4 reasons:
It looks right; It sounds right; It feels right; It makes sense.
As it turns out, "it makes sense" only accounts for less than 10% of all actions that people take. BUT...
And this is a big but...
If you ask someone later why the did what they did, they will always tell you that it "made sense". In other words, we usually do things because it looks, sounds, or feels right... and then later we figure out why it made sense and then we convince ourselves that that's why we did it.
Women don't cheat because they are mad at you after a big argument.
Women don't cheat because you have a small penis, or because you can't last long enough to satisfy her, or because you didn't give her an orgasm.
Women don't cheat because she found out that YOU cheated.
Women don't cheat because you're just not man enough for her.
(I suppose there's a woman out there that is an exception to every one of these rules, but I think that more likely, if she just SAYS that she cheated for one of these reasons, and that was just her way of making it make sense.)
1) You refuse to see her and know her for who she really is, and try to force her to be someone else.
This may sound kind of whacky, but it is incredibly common. We as men sometimes have profoundly strange ideas about how our girlfriend (or wife) ought to be.
Often, out of love or out of wanting to please you, she may even try to be that person that you want her to be...
But in the end, she will feel the need to be seen and known by a man. If not by you, then by some other lover.
This frequently revolves around her sexual desires and identity.
All too often men try to suppress the sexual urges of their woman... they tell her not to dress too sexually, they get angry if she is flirty at a party, they try to convince her that only women with low moral standards have strong sexual desires.
In the end, you can't mess with nature. If you don't accept her sexuality, then someone else just might.
Jealousy is a funny thing. Most often it is a manufactured emotion in our own minds. It's the adult version of the monster underneath the bed.
It grows from our own insecurities, our suspicion that the woman I am with could have done better than me. It's the fear that some day she'll wake up and realize that I'm not as cool as I was pretending to be when we met. It's the fear that someone else will tell her the truth about me and she'll suddenly realize what a loser I am.
When a man is jealous he begins to make his woman feel as though she is a cheater.
There is an old saying that "people treat you exactly as you train them to treat you." This turns out to be true for both men and women, at work, in your social life, and in your romantic life.
Be careful how you train her to treat you.
3) Emotional abandonment.
I think this one just makes intuitive sense.
They say that men trade romance for sex and women trade sex for romance... and while I don't believe this is strictly true, I think it has enough of a nugget of truth in it to be aware of this possible consequence:
If she is not getting emotional fulfillment from you, then she may find it elsewhere and she will feel a desire to share herself physically with that someone who can that can give her those emotions.
WHAT ALL THIS MEANS FOR YOU:
If you don't consider cyber-cheating cheating, you should still consider it a loud warning.
Take a look at my little list of 3 reasons above and decide if you are going to either get to work to fix your relationship or get ready for some emotional hurt when she starts to take her affairs off line.
If you DO think that cyber-cheating is cheating, then understand that for your woman the threshold for cheating in this way will be MUCH lower than for actually going out and physically getting into bed with another man.
This is not because she fears getting caught if she cheats, and it's not because she doesn't want the entanglements that an affair could bring into her life... but just because it's easier to justify and "make sense" of the idea that cyber-cheating isn't really doing anything wrong.
It's not that women never cheat for sexual variety or to prove something for their ego (two common reasons that men cheat), it's just that it's a mistake to assume that she is just like you.
She's a woman and she has needs that just might be different from yours.
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(c) 2007-2009 Alex Allman, New You Advice Inc, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd., All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all authors and publishers harmless.