Rhonda
Findling M.A.,C.R.C psychotherapist and author of “Don't Call That
Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go”, “The Commitment Cure, What To
Do When You Fall For An Ambivalent Man” and “The Dating Cure”. You
can visit Rhonda's web site at
www.rhondafindling.com
If you’re a single
man or woman who wants to meet someone new to marry or have a
relationship with, the best thing to do is create romantic
opportunities for yourself. To succeed in this endeavor however
you’re going to need to put yourself out there and take risks. My
former client Linda who was 32, attractive and a dentist would ask
everyone including her patients if they knew any men they could
introduce her to who was single and seriously looking for a
relationship. She even told people she met when she was waiting for
a bus about her search to find a successful relationship. Linda met
the man she eventually married on a blind date through an
introduction, which resulted from her boldness and persistence.
I suggest to my
single clients to always carry around a business card with them. It
can say whatever you want just as long as it has your name, phone
number and email address on it. Give it out to everyone you speak
to. Force yourself to be more open and talk to new people even if
you don’t consider them a perspective date. You never know who they
know. When you see someone you’re attracted to try to speak to them.
They might reciprocate your interest and be available as well.
The notorious
cognitive psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis would go up to droves of
women (over a matter of time) and ask them out on dates. Although
only a few of them would say yes (he wasn’t the greatest looking or
the most charming). His attitude was you only need just one. He
didn’t personalize the women who turned him down because he barely
knew them and felt it was just a numbers game.
So when you see
someone you’re attracted to you can start out by sending them body
signals (eye contact, smile). If you feel even a slight connection
try to initiate some sort of dialogue. The best conversation
starters are simple ones. For example you can say to the person
sitting next to you at a bar or waiting for their plane at the
airport, “Hi I’m Sue. How has your day been so far?” The
complementary approach is “what a nice sweater!” The inquisitive
approach is “Is that camera hard to operate? I’ve always wanted to
learn how to take a good photo.” Another example is “Is that a good
book? It’s been on my books to read list for months.”
At the end of this
brief chat give him/her your contact information. In sales lingo
you’re going to give him your business card as you “close.” In the
event you don’t have your card on you, give him you phone number
instead.
Remember to get her
contact information. Always, always, always, get her business card
or phone number. This is even more important than him having your
card or phone number. This way you don’t lose out on any
opportunities.
Don’t forget to follow up. If he takes your card and you still don’t
hear from him, call him. What the hell! You’ll never see him again
anyway. If he doesn’t sound excited to hear your voice, then just
talk a couple of minutes and get off. If he does sound happy to hear
from you, talk awhile and try to pin him down for a casual date. If
he turns you down, at the very least you tried. Remember, you got to
be in it to win it.
Also try dating
“outside the box.” In other words if you have a blueprint of who
you’re usually attracted to, try to be more open minded and less
rigid. It will expand your choices resulting in making more people
available for you to date, and increasing your chances of finding
that special someone.
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