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Creating Romantic Opportunities

“Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go”Rhonda Findling M.A.,C.R.C psychotherapist and author of “Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go”, “The Commitment Cure, What To Do When You Fall For An Ambivalent Man” and “The Dating Cure”. You can visit Rhonda's web site at

If you’re a single man or woman who wants to meet someone new to marry or have a relationship with, the best thing to do is create romantic opportunities for yourself. To succeed in this endeavor however you’re going to need to put yourself out there and take risks. My former client Linda who was 32, attractive and a dentist would ask everyone including her patients if they knew any men they could introduce her to who was single and seriously looking for a relationship. She even told people she met when she was waiting for a bus about her search to find a successful relationship. Linda met the man she eventually married on a blind date through an introduction, which resulted from her boldness and persistence.

I suggest to my single clients to always carry around a business card with them. It can say whatever you want just as long as it has your name, phone number and email address on it. Give it out to everyone you speak to. Force yourself to be more open and talk to new people even if you don’t consider them a perspective date. You never know who they know. When you see someone you’re attracted to try to speak to them. They might reciprocate your interest and be available as well.

The notorious cognitive psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis would go up to droves of women (over a matter of time) and ask them out on dates. Although only a few of them would say yes (he wasn’t the greatest looking or the most charming). His attitude was you only need just one. He didn’t personalize the women who turned him down because he barely knew them and felt it was just a numbers game.

So when you see someone you’re attracted to you can start out by sending them body signals (eye contact, smile). If you feel even a slight connection try to initiate some sort of dialogue. The best conversation starters are simple ones. For example you can say to the person sitting next to you at a bar or waiting for their plane at the airport, “Hi I’m Sue. How has your day been so far?” The complementary approach is “what a nice sweater!” The inquisitive approach is “Is that camera hard to operate? I’ve always wanted to learn how to take a good photo.” Another example is “Is that a good book? It’s been on my books to read list for months.”

At the end of this brief chat give him/her your contact information. In sales lingo you’re going to give him your business card as you “close.” In the event you don’t have your card on you, give him you phone number instead.

Remember to get her contact information. Always, always, always, get her business card or phone number. This is even more important than him having your card or phone number. This way you don’t lose out on any opportunities.
Don’t forget to follow up. If he takes your card and you still don’t hear from him, call him. What the hell! You’ll never see him again anyway. If he doesn’t sound excited to hear your voice, then just talk a couple of minutes and get off. If he does sound happy to hear from you, talk awhile and try to pin him down for a casual date. If he turns you down, at the very least you tried. Remember, you got to be in it to win it.

Also try dating “outside the box.” In other words if you have a blueprint of who you’re usually attracted to, try to be more open minded and less rigid. It will expand your choices resulting in making more people available for you to date, and increasing your chances of finding that special someone.


Rhonda Findling "Don't Call That Man!"

© 2006 Rhonda Findling

Rhonda Findling M.A., C. R. C. is a psychotherapist with a private practice based in New York City and Atlanta, Georgia. She does phone consultations with clients all over the country. She is the author of “Don’t Call That Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go” (Hyperion, 1999), "The Commitment Cure, What To Do When You fall For An Ambivalent Man" (Adams Media, 2004) and "The Dating Cure" (Adams Media 2005).Her website provides a message board for registered members which is utilized by women to support each other when struggling with relationship issues.


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