Rhonda
Findling M.A.,C.R.C psychotherapist and author of “Don't Call That
Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go”, “The Commitment Cure, What To
Do When You Fall For An Ambivalent Man” and “The Dating Cure”. You
can visit Rhonda's web site at
www.rhondafindling.com
Valentines Day can
bring up a lot of feelings for everyone, so if you've recently gone
though a break up or even if it hasn't been so recent, you may be
struggling with memories of being with your ex, fantasies of who
he's with now, what he's doing, if he's thinking of you and feelings
of loneliness.
Here are some quick
tips on how to get through the day:
Do not think about if he's with someone else. You don’t know so
there's no point to daydreaming about it. It's pure self-torture so
why bother doing this to yourself. Bottom line is it’s just plain
self-defeating and a total waste of time. If you start having those
thoughts FORCE yourself to think of something else. 1 Distract
yourself.
Remember it's just a
holiday that was created for monetary reasons (consumerism). These
card and chocolate companies, stationary, department and jewelry
stores make a killing on Valentines Day.
Who is this Valentine
dude anyway? Probably just another Ambivalent Man! If it's going to
upset you then don’t go to any Valentine's Day functions. Just
ignore the entire day and night.
Be in a state of
denial.
Do something fun that
has nothing to do with romance on that day. Get a massage; eat your
favorite junk food then go work it off at the gym; go to a movie you
would never dare go to because it's below your intelligence (wear
sunglasses though); buy the Star, Enquirer, and the Globe and read
about all the celebrity break ups and divorces. You'll feel like a
million dollars afterwards. By the time you do all of this
Valentines day will be over.
If you do go out and
socialize (a date etc.) do not, I repeat, do not start comparing
other men to your ex or the guy you're trying to get over. This is
like poison to the brain. Just be in the here and now, and right
here and right now your ex is not around so don't give him the
satisfaction of thinking about him. That whole thinking about your
ex while you're with a new man is so self defeating and devaluing to
the new man you're with. As that great singer said, "If you can't be
with the one you love, love the one you're with!!"
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