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Rinatta Paries: Breakup Survival Guide

Rinatta Paries,  Relationship Coach

Losing a loved one is never easy. Even when the loss is your choice, it isn't easy. Whether a person experiences a break up of a relationship, a death of a loved one, or another powerful loss, there are predictable stages one goes through, predictable feelings one feels.
Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the five classic stages of the coping with grief and loss. According to Kubler-Ross, a person experiencing loss will go through all of the stages, in any order. The five stages are:

Loss and subsequent grieving is a powerful, transformative time. It is a time to take care of yourself, to let go of the past and to create a future. Unfortunately, many people get stuck in one of the stages of grief, unable to complete their process and move on.
If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I've created the following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope:

Remember that you...

will feel pain

have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well

will feel lonely

are ok and lovable

Accept that...

the relationship is over
your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him/her

Focus on...

personal growth
self care

Get complete with...

your ex


the magnificence of who you are
your part in the relationship break-up

Give yourself time to...

be alone

Make sure that you...

get touch, from friends or a body therapist
have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend


your community
your future
your dreams

More Rinatta Paries:


If you're experiencing the end of a short-term relationship, consider the following:

Realize that...

the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about your past
if you start healing your past, the pain will subside
holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached and in pain

Get complete with...

your ex partner
all of your ex partners
your parents

Give yourself...

room to grieve
room to grow

Build for yourself...

a community
a life that you love

Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship:

don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving
trust that when ready you will attract the right partner
welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve

It's through self-evolution that you will be able to create the relationship of your dreams.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!


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