Losing a loved one is never easy. Even when the loss is your choice, it isn't
easy. Whether a person experiences a break up of a relationship, a death of a
loved one, or another powerful loss, there are predictable stages one goes
through, predictable feelings one feels.
Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
described the five classic stages of the coping with grief and loss.
According to Kubler-Ross, a person experiencing loss will go through all
of the stages, in any order. The five stages are:
Denial
Resentment
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Loss and subsequent grieving is a powerful, transformative time. It is a
time to take care of yourself, to let go of the past and to create a
future. Unfortunately, many people get stuck in one of the stages of
grief, unable to complete their process and move on.
If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently
ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to
support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I've created the
following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope:
Remember that you...
• will feel pain
• have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well
• will feel lonely
• are ok and lovable
Accept that...
• the relationship is over
• your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or
discount him/her
Focus on...
• yourself
• personal growth
• self care
Get complete with...
• yourself
• your ex
Own...
• the magnificence of who you are
• your part in the relationship break-up
Give yourself time to...
• grieve
• be alone
• recover
Make sure that you...
• get touch, from friends or a body therapist
• have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend
Reinvent...
• your community
• yourself
• your future
• your dreams
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