Make peace with what you have
It is difficult at times to be happy when others have what we want and we are
left wanting. It is difficult to watch couples in love when your relationship
is not working well, or if you are single and don't want to be. It is
difficult to see others spend money if you have none or are struggling..
Yet making peace with how things are right now is one step toward having what
you want in the future. Making peace with unfulfilled desires is not the same
as giving up on your dream or surrendering to never having it fulfilled. It is
simply a way of having peace now—one of the greatest gifts you can give
yourself. This is not the same as denial. Peace is acceptance, a fundamental
way of embracing reality as it is right now. Peace frees you up to take action
to cause different results in the future.
How do you make peace with not having what you want? Watch for anger, pain, or
envy arise inside you. Then talk to yourself, listen, and take action. Say,
"yes, I do not have what I want, for whatever reason, and I accept this for
right now." Say, "yes, it hurts/makes me angry/makes me envious." Say, "I
surrender to this moment right now and I choose peace over hurt/anger/envy."
Cultivate gratitude
I have said this before and it still remains to be one of the more powerful
tools in my arsenal of dealing with unhappiness. Our circumstances often
cannot be changed quickly enough to satisfy us. Yet, our attitude can be
changed almost instantaneously, and can remain changed, which helps to change
our circumstances over time.
This holiday season, work on gratitude for what you have—in relationships, in
love, in material possessions, in family, in community, in things that nourish
and sustain you.
Be with people who love you
For those of us in relationships and with families, the advice is simple. If
things are going well, nourish your relationships during this time so they may
be even better. If things are not going so well, this is the time to use the
utmost care to improve your relationships, and to give and draw nourishment
from them. There are many tools to do this. Talk, listen, forgive, surrender,
get help, read, write, go to church or synagogue, etc.
For those who are single and especially for those with no community, this is
the time to reach out to groups of like-minded people. If you could find a
group of like-minded people, what would be the topic or idea or cause or hobby
they would be gathered about? Would it be reading, or sports, or movies, or
personal growth, or spirituality?
Whatever the topic maybe, find this group of people. And as terrifying as it
may be, go be with them. You will be amazed at how welcoming they will be,
especially at this time of the year.
Happy, peaceful holidays to you!
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
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(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003. Do you know how to
attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling
relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship
Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract
and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine.
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