Do you know what kind of an affect you have on
other people? It is important to the happiness of others for you to be aware
of what you put in their lives. It is also important to your own happiness.
Let me illustrate this point. Let's say you are house sitting and are not the
tidiest person. You leave a bit of a mess, maybe move some items around. When
the homeowners return, they have to clean up and hunt for some of their items.
Before they can rest, they have to put their house back in order. This takes
time, attention, and effort.
If you had cleaned up after yourself, how would that have affected them? There
would be no effort needed on their part. They would come home, relax, and be
grateful to you. What if you had left their house in better shape than you had
found it? Let's say you left some flowers or had dinner waiting for them; how
would they feel when they returned? They'd feel taken care of, fed, and
nurtured.
Think of other people's lives as their houses. If you enter their lives
(houses) and don't clean up after yourself, they will have to deal with your
mess. This will rob them of energy. Let me give you some examples of how we
leave messes in people's lives without realizing it.
Take a couple out on a first date. They have a great time and make plans for
another date. Yet the man never calls to make plans and is never heard from
again. The woman feels sad and has many unanswered questions -- the mess left
behind.
Take a couple where one partner suddenly leaves, never having voiced that
anything was wrong. The mess left behind is pain, fear of abandonment,
mistrust.
How about a married couple in which one partner
does not participate in housework as much as the other? The mess left behind
is the drain of energy for the partner who does most of the work..
Here are a few more instances: Being rude hurts others. Cheating leaves a
partner feeling betrayed and hurt. Lying leaves people doubting themselves
(they didn't listen to their intuition) and others. Not keeping a promise
leaves people frustrated and mistrustful.
The point to get here is not that it's simply a good idea to be nice to
people. You must understand that by being unaware of your effect on others,
you may cause damage.
We, as well as others, pay a price every time we cause damage to someone else.
We lose a bit of self trust and self respect. We begin to expect to be treated
the same as we treat others.
What would your life be like if you left a trail of caring and completion?
This may be as simple as making that phone call you don't want to make to tell
someone you are not interested in dating them. It maybe a bit more difficult,
like telling your partner what is not working in the relationship and
negotiating to make it work. It may be contributing and participating more. It
may be saying you are sorry, or telling the truth when it would be easier to
lie.
Whatever you have to do to leave people's lives intact and their energy full
is worth doing. It may be a risk, a bit scary, or uncomfortable. But it leaves
you whole and allows you to move forward in your life with dignity.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
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(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003. Do you know how to
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relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship
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