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Rinatta Paries: How We Affect Each Other's Lives

Rinatta Paries,  Relationship Coach

Do you know what kind of an affect you have on other people? It is important to the happiness of others for you to be aware of what you put in their lives. It is also important to your own happiness.

Let me illustrate this point. Let's say you are house sitting and are not the tidiest person. You leave a bit of a mess, maybe move some items around. When the homeowners return, they have to clean up and hunt for some of their items. Before they can rest, they have to put their house back in order. This takes time, attention, and effort.

If you had cleaned up after yourself, how would that have affected them? There would be no effort needed on their part. They would come home, relax, and be grateful to you. What if you had left their house in better shape than you had found it? Let's say you left some flowers or had dinner waiting for them; how would they feel when they returned? They'd feel taken care of, fed, and nurtured.

Think of other people's lives as their houses. If you enter their lives (houses) and don't clean up after yourself, they will have to deal with your mess. This will rob them of energy. Let me give you some examples of how we leave messes in people's lives without realizing it.

Take a couple out on a first date. They have a great time and make plans for another date. Yet the man never calls to make plans and is never heard from again. The woman feels sad and has many unanswered questions -- the mess left behind.

Take a couple where one partner suddenly leaves, never having voiced that anything was wrong. The mess left behind is pain, fear of abandonment, mistrust.

How about a married couple in which one partner does not participate in housework as much as the other? The mess left behind is the drain of energy for the partner who does most of the work..

Here are a few more instances: Being rude hurts others. Cheating leaves a partner feeling betrayed and hurt. Lying leaves people doubting themselves (they didn't listen to their intuition) and others. Not keeping a promise leaves people frustrated and mistrustful.

The point to get here is not that it's simply a good idea to be nice to people. You must understand that by being unaware of your effect on others, you may cause damage.

We, as well as others, pay a price every time we cause damage to someone else. We lose a bit of self trust and self respect. We begin to expect to be treated the same as we treat others.

What would your life be like if you left a trail of caring and completion? This may be as simple as making that phone call you don't want to make to tell someone you are not interested in dating them. It maybe a bit more difficult, like telling your partner what is not working in the relationship and negotiating to make it work. It may be contributing and participating more. It may be saying you are sorry, or telling the truth when it would be easier to lie.

Whatever you have to do to leave people's lives intact and their energy full is worth doing. It may be a risk, a bit scary, or uncomfortable. But it leaves you whole and allows you to move forward in your life with dignity.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet (tm)!

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